This Week:
Volume 18 Issue 35 - 2010-09-03

Dear Barb
Give Friendship Time to Bloom into Romance

Barbara Godin
Volume 18 Issue 35 2010-09-03

Dear Barb:

I am in my early twenties. I’ve been on a lot of dates but haven’t had a serious girlfriend yet. I have many female friends who kind of see me as a big brother. One girl in particular has been going through a rough time lately and I have been there for her. I’ve even let her stay at my place and helped her out financially.

I’m starting to feel more than friendship for her, but I don’t know if she feels the same about me. I don’t know if I should tell her how I feel. If she doesn’t feel the same way I’m afraid it will affect our friendship. Looking forward to hearing your advice.

Jeremy

Hi, Jeremy. Thanks for your question. You obviously are a great guy who is well liked and has lots of friends. That in itself is a great accomplishment.

You are in a sensitive situation. Are you getting any vibes from her that would suggest she may have similar feelings? I don’t know whether you should come right out and tell her how you feel because, if you are right, it will probably affect your friendship as you both may feel uncomfortable afterwards.

I think you should continue offering her your friendship while paying close attention to anything that may be an indication that she also has special feelings for you. You could ask her out to a movie or dinner, just the two of you—as friends of course. Being alone together will give both of you an opportunity to display any feelings you may have for each other that are beyond friendship. On the other hand, if during this outing your interaction is the same as when you are in a group, I think you can safely assume there is nothing more than friendship on her part.

Don’t rush things. Many relationships begin after a long friendship. It is very important to be friends as well as lovers. Take your time and enjoy your friendships, as good friends are hard to find. If this doesn’t develop into anything, don’t despair. You will find the right girl.

There is a cute old saying that a friend of mine used to say when friends, including me, were becoming discouraged about whether they would ever find the right person. “On every pot fits a lid.” Something worth remembering.

Good luck, Jeremy.

Email your questions to voice@voicemagazine.org. Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.

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