December 4, 2002

Dear Sandra,

I am about 50 lbs overweight and I feel that every man ignores me because of this. I am becoming very lonely and desperate for a male companion. Everywhere I look I see couples together and my heart yearns for that companionship. I know that I am pretty and I have many other admirable qualities that men seem to want in a woman, but I’m overweight. Why can’t men see past my weight? I know I need to lose weight, but I don’t want to wait until I am skinny to be in a relationship. I am a beautiful girl and I deserve to be loved just as much as the skinny girls. What’s your advice?

Overweight in Brandon

Dear Overweight;

First of all I would like to clarify that not all skinny girls get men, there are just as many lonely skinny girls as there are lonely overweight girls. One size woman does not fit all men.

If you are comfortable with your weight someone else will be too. The shape of a woman’s body does not carry much weight (excuse the pun) when it comes to a man deciding if he will spend the rest of his life with her. Telling yourself that men are not swarming toward you because of your weight is not a logical idea. Maybe your ideals are too high in men. Are you keeping yourself open to all shapes, sizes, and personalities of men? In this huge world filled with people it is unrealistic to lead yourself to believe that no one wants to be in a relationship with you. Keep your mind open when looking at potential partners, many people feel that they need to be with a certain type of person and completely neglect all other types of people.

If you want to lose weight, that’s great. The most important thing is that you feel good about yourself. Don’t use your weight as an excuse for being lonely; take action. Go out and circulate yourself. Expand your horizons, use every option available to get out there and meet new people. Join a group or a club, let friends and relatives know that you are actively looking for “dating possibilities”. Keep in mind that in every barrel of apples there are always a few bad ones, and we may have to throw a few away before we get one suitable for eating. Same thing goes with relationships, finding a suitable mate rarely happens on the first try. That’s the fun part of dating though, in a few years when you are with the man of your dreams you can look back on some of your dating experiences and laugh.


This column is for entertainment only. Sandra is not a professional counsellor, but is an AU student who would like to give personal advice about school and life to her peers. Please forward your questions to Sandra care of

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