Dear Sandra

Febraury 26, 2003

Dear Sandra,

I am hoping that you can give me some advice. My wife is a wonderful woman and I love her immensely, but she gets so mad when I go out once a week with the guys to sporting events. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and I don’t cheat. Why does she get so mad? How can I get her to understand that I need some time with my buddies?

Confused in PEI

Dear Confused,

Well if the only bad thing she can say about you is that you go out with the guys once a week I’d say she’s a pretty lucky woman to have you. BUT, I fear there’s more to this story than you are telling or more that you are not seeing.

Do you make time once a week for her? When was the last time you took her out? If you are making time for your wife, then she probably won’t resent your weekly night with the guys. BUT, if you do nothing to show her that you value spending quality time with her just as much as you enjoy spending it with the guys, then I say she has a right to be mad. I think if you can devote one night a week entirely to your buddies, you should do the same for your wife even if it’s just going to see a movie together or going out for supper weekly.

Now what about what you are not seeing? Is there a reason why she gets so mad when you go out that you have neglected to see? Maybe she has no friends and resents the fact that you do. If this could be the case maybe you could introduce her to one of your sports buddies spouses/girlfriends. Maybe you have children and she never gets a night to herself like that. Offer to baby-sit the kids one night a week and let her go out with her friends or spend a night to herself.

But the most basic advice I can give you is to come out and ask her why she gets mad. Women have this bad habit of being mad and expecting others to be able to “sense” what is wrong. Get it out in the open now; the longer you let her resentment build the worse it will get.



This column is for entertainment only. Sandra is not a professional counsellor, but is an AU student who would like to give personal advice about school and life to her peers. Please forward your questions to Sandra care of