The manufacturer of luxury cars promises you a whisper quiet drive. The cigarette company commends, you’ve come a long way, baby. The plastic surgery clinic asserts that it’s all about me, myself and I. The beer maker offers purity and a glimpse of a happier life. A sixty-dollar scarf from the high-end clothing store will make you sexier and more sophisticated. This razor will definitely shave you closer, because three heads are better than one. There are ten ways to drive your man crazy in bed and this magazine article will reveal them all. The jewelry maker shills crunk-inspired bling at surprisingly affordable prices. Life would be easier if you had more stowage space. Buy now, pay later. Imagine the parties you could throw if you just had this blender. Women are waiting to talk to you on-line. There’s a steak sizzling for you at several convenient locations. We’re bombing that school in the name of your freedom. Your breath stinks and fortunately this mint is sugar-free. More people would talk to you if you had a slimmer cell phone. Learn Mandarin in six easy lessons. You’re nothing if you don’t have thick lashes. There’s no such thing as global warming. Brighten your teeth and increase your penis size with safe and effective treatments. Your kids will love you more if you give them cereal with more sugar. Your kids will be smarter if they have this new software. Buy mutual funds from us or else you’ll soon be homeless. If we hired more teachers and nurses, you’d soon be homeless. Tax the corporations and you’ll soon be homeless. If you don’t let us strip-mine, you’ll soon be homeless. Life is better on anti-depressants. It’s a marinade and a disinfectant. This diet supplement will stimulate your G-spot. You’ll go bald like your mother if you don’t wear these slippers. You will be powdered, pampered, and somebody who looks like Brad Pitt will rub walnut oil on your ass cheeks at our day spa. You are so very ugly, but we can make you beautiful. Make three thousand dollars a week in your spare time just by testing video games. You’ll be murdered in your sleep without this alarm. Naked supermodels will be lining up to have wild sex with you if you buy this after-shave. Our competitor’s dessert toppings will give you brain cancer and our product will cure it. Vote for me to end taxes and world hunger.

Hey, Mister, do you have any spare change? ‘Cause I’m out of work, I’m bipolar, my father burnt me with cigarettes, and they cut off my welfare payments. Can’t you at least look at me? I’ve been sitting on this corner all day long and I’m starting to think I’m invisible. If somebody would just give me a chance, I really think I could make something of myself. I could be your child. I’m a person. I’m a decent person.

Yeah, right. What kind of fool do you take me for?