Lost & Found – Simply By Getting Out of Bed On This Ordinary Morning You Could:

Simply By Getting Out of Bed On This Ordinary Morning You Could:

“¢ Be hit and killed by the Number 17 bus.

“¢ Find a beehive beneath your floorboards.

“¢ Be abducted by aliens and forced to attend intergalactic cocktail parties where peculiar customs prevail.

“¢ Crush beneath your boot a beetle whose brain and nervous system are more complex than the most powerful computer ever invented.

“¢ Watch poltergeists lift and spin your kitchen table.

“¢ Unknowingly set into motion a series of bizarre events that will ultimately lead to your:
a) imprisonment in a Turkish prison;
b) conversion to Scientology; and
c) engagement in oral sex with a three-thumbed ornithologist.

“¢ Learn to tango.

“¢ Offend a vengeful deity and find yourself transformed into a ferret or a rubber boot.

“¢ Be trapped in a ruby mine.

“¢ Find a lump on your testicle or breast.

“¢ Compose a madrigal.

“¢ Buy a coffee from Tim Hortons and receive a Roman coin in amongst your change.

“¢ Get drunk on vodka and find yourself enlisted in the French Foreign Legion.

“¢ Be diagnosed with a vision disease that will eventually result in only being able to see the colour purple.

“¢ Come across a recipe for roasted tulips.

“¢ Find a severed head in your herb garden.

“¢ Draw a magic circle and sell your soul to the Devil.

“¢ Fall in love with a cowboy who loves barbeques and Dostoevsky.

“¢ Examine yourself and find fireflies trapped in your armpit hair.

“¢ Witness a Buddhist monk stealing a cherry pie that was cooling on a window ledge.

“¢ Find a voodoo doll formed in your likeness hidden beneath the cushions of your love seat.

“¢ Discover the profile of Sigmund Freud on a slice of burnt toast.

“¢ Develop a twitch.

“¢ Receive a love letter from a mysterious admirer written in blood on a scrap of cloth from a scarecrow’s trousers.

“¢ Watch your infant child take her very first steps.

“¢ Contact Amelia Earhardt on an Ouija Board.

“¢ Break a mirror causing seven years bad luck.

“¢ Stumble across an ancient burial ground or a new law of physics.

“¢ Be clawed to death by a roving pack of rabid feral cats.

“¢ Wander into an antique shop and on impulse buy a nineteenth century engraving of an elephant bearing a palanquin.

“¢ Look up into the afternoon sky and see a jet-black tornado cloud bearing down on you.

“¢ See a trumpeter swan sitting in the branches of your plum tree.

“¢ Develop a taste for brussels sprouts.

“¢ Win the lottery.

“¢ Witness the apocalypse.

“¢ Step through a crack in the garden wall and find yourself transported to a parallel dimension.

“¢ Order the perfect Crepes Suzette.

“¢ Choke on a chicken bone.

“¢ Discover who let the dogs out.

“¢ Realize, at last, that everything you know might just be wrong.

%d bloggers like this: