Simply By Getting Out of Bed On This Ordinary Morning You Could:
“¢ Be hit and killed by the Number 17 bus.
“¢ Find a beehive beneath your floorboards.
“¢ Be abducted by aliens and forced to attend intergalactic cocktail parties where peculiar customs prevail.
“¢ Crush beneath your boot a beetle whose brain and nervous system are more complex than the most powerful computer ever invented.
“¢ Watch poltergeists lift and spin your kitchen table.
“¢ Unknowingly set into motion a series of bizarre events that will ultimately lead to your:
a) imprisonment in a Turkish prison;
b) conversion to Scientology; and
c) engagement in oral sex with a three-thumbed ornithologist.
“¢ Learn to tango.
“¢ Offend a vengeful deity and find yourself transformed into a ferret or a rubber boot.
“¢ Be trapped in a ruby mine.
“¢ Find a lump on your testicle or breast.
“¢ Compose a madrigal.
“¢ Buy a coffee from Tim Hortons and receive a Roman coin in amongst your change.
“¢ Get drunk on vodka and find yourself enlisted in the French Foreign Legion.
“¢ Be diagnosed with a vision disease that will eventually result in only being able to see the colour purple.
“¢ Come across a recipe for roasted tulips.
“¢ Find a severed head in your herb garden.
“¢ Draw a magic circle and sell your soul to the Devil.
“¢ Fall in love with a cowboy who loves barbeques and Dostoevsky.
“¢ Examine yourself and find fireflies trapped in your armpit hair.
“¢ Witness a Buddhist monk stealing a cherry pie that was cooling on a window ledge.
“¢ Find a voodoo doll formed in your likeness hidden beneath the cushions of your love seat.
“¢ Discover the profile of Sigmund Freud on a slice of burnt toast.
“¢ Develop a twitch.
“¢ Receive a love letter from a mysterious admirer written in blood on a scrap of cloth from a scarecrow’s trousers.
“¢ Watch your infant child take her very first steps.
“¢ Contact Amelia Earhardt on an Ouija Board.
“¢ Break a mirror causing seven years bad luck.
“¢ Stumble across an ancient burial ground or a new law of physics.
“¢ Be clawed to death by a roving pack of rabid feral cats.
“¢ Wander into an antique shop and on impulse buy a nineteenth century engraving of an elephant bearing a palanquin.
“¢ Look up into the afternoon sky and see a jet-black tornado cloud bearing down on you.
“¢ See a trumpeter swan sitting in the branches of your plum tree.
“¢ Develop a taste for brussels sprouts.
“¢ Win the lottery.
“¢ Witness the apocalypse.
“¢ Step through a crack in the garden wall and find yourself transported to a parallel dimension.
“¢ Order the perfect Crepes Suzette.
“¢ Choke on a chicken bone.
“¢ Discover who let the dogs out.
“¢ Realize, at last, that everything you know might just be wrong.
