Lost & Found – Some Facts About Light

There are thousands of qualities of light that need to be identified and categorized. This work is being carried out by physicists and poets around the world. From the nightlights plugged into the electrical outlets of our childhood bedrooms, to the candles that burn at our funerals, light provides primal solace in the face of fathomless mystery.

Children have been known to write their names and curse words in the residual light of Hallowe’en sparklers.

A composer I know, who writes disturbing hymns, is working on a suite of pieces for the cello composed only on nights when the moon is full.

When choking on a chicken bone, if at all possible, ignore the voice that may be telling you to “head toward the light.”

Some time ago there was a news story about a woman, in Norway, whose skin emitted a slight but measurable luminosity every time she read aloud a passage from the Bible or the Tibetan Book of the Dead.

To ward off doppelgangers and poltergeists, hang hurricane lamps from the tree-house ceiling.

When navigating across time and space, the Perseid meteor shower can be a handy source of light to read your charts by.

Kiss a woman with six fingers at the outer circle of a bonfire on the dunes of the beach, where the shadows play across your bodies on a hot moonless August night, and you will finally realize the meaning of enchantment.

Whether conducting a dinner party, a seance, or an autopsy, proper lighting is integral to the mood.

Any given passage from Tolstoy can take on radically different meanings, depending on whether it is read by the light of a desk lamp, or the faint glow from the instrument panel of a disabled Russian submarine. Discuss.

In ancient villages, it was possible for a traveler on a dark night to locate the house of the firework maker by following the stream of coloured sparks pouring from his chimney.

When the moon is at its smallest and darkest, that’s when werewolves and witches are able to go about their daily affairs as transit operators and mutual fund representatives.

To avoid awkward pauses in first date conversation, Martha Stewart suggests wrapping your naked body from head-to-toe in flashing Christmas lights.

Scientists don’t know why microscopic sea-life have developed bioluminescence. Since these life forms don’t reproduce sexually, there is no need to attract a mate. Discuss.

In the end, it will turn out that the most important books of your life have been the ones you read with a Canadian Tire flashlight in a tent of bed sheets.

If you chew Clorets in a dark bathroom, and look in the mirror, you will see tiny blue sparks flickering in your mouth. This is really true. [Ed. This works with Wint-O-Green LiveSavers too!]