Reefer Madness

So Marc Emery, leader of the B.C. based Marijuana Party has been arrested by Vancouver RCMP. at the request of U.S. law enforcement. According to the CBC’s website (, the self-styled “Prince of Pot,” a tireless political activist in the cause of reforming North America’s draconian marijuana laws, was arrested in Halifax, N.S. Simultaneously, his Vancouver pot seed and accessories store was raided by police “on behalf of the American government.”

The U.S. government is now going through the process of requesting extradition, so that Emery will face trial in the U.S. According to a report in the Vancouver Courier (Sunday, August 14th), the articulate spokesman for a more or less benign substance will face three charges: conspiracy to produce marijuana and conspiracy to distribute marijuana seeds, each of which carries penalties ranging from 10 years to life between bars; and a money-laundering charge that could net him up to another 20 years.

Beautiful. Uncle Sam is taking some proactive steps to curb the insidious, lethal spread of marijuana. Who knows what debauchery might be committed by pot-addled maniacs if Emery and his ilk successfully challenge marijuana prohibition: an epidemic of Phish and Dave Matthews Band CDs blaring from basement windows; small time entrepreneurs failing to declare their full income from the sale of hand-crafted cedar wood bongs; an ever-increasing percentage of the population suffering from morbid obesity and heart disease caused by over-eating as a result of the munchies. Oh, wait, that phenomenon is already happening down there in the Police States of America, perhaps because of all the toxic fast food shit their corporations are shilling to their citizens.

So why is the American government so hot and horny from our homegrown seed distributor? Simple. One of the most serious side effects of over-consumption of marijuana is the lack of ambition that it generates. This is what really has Uncle Sam worried. Obviously, the apathetic, pot-head layabout is one of the most potent threats to the Western way of life. Studies show that chronic abusers of the nefarious weed are more likely to resist the urges of recruiters to go overseas and annihilate foreigners with high tech gadgetry.

Eventually, these hemp-terrorists may become so passive that it is difficult to get them even to drive to the nearest convenience store to stock up on cigarettes, cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and cartons of armour-piercing shells for the automatic weapon they purchased at the mall last Sunday when the old lady pissed them off. Eventually, after heavy and chronic usage, some of them may even become deluded and demented enough to believe, like Emery, that they have a chance of changing things just a little bit for the better. Dream on.