Odds, Sods and Vague Hopes For 2006

Some things I’m going to do less of in 2006

“¢ Eating lunch by myself.

“¢ Running for the bus, even when I’m late.

“¢ Making excuses for not keeping in touch with far away friends.

“¢ Making excuses, in general.

In the interests of fairness, some phrases I would like to see in more frequent usage:

“¢ “Police believe that the victim was a member of a white youth gang.”

“¢ “The openly heterosexual performer…”

“¢ “Unconfirmed reports have attributed the act to militant Christian extremists.”

Some headlines I would like to see in the coming year:

“¢ “Police Make First Arrest After New ‘Anti-Thong’ Law Takes Effect”.

“¢ Mick Jagger Announces Stones’ Retirement, Apologizes To Fans And Admits “Yeah, Well, We’ve Basically Put Awt Nuffink But Shit Ever Since Some Girls, En’t We?”

“¢ “Pharmaceutical Companies Proclaim No Reason To Panic Over Latest Influenza Outbreak. Spokesman Assures ‘More Chance of Being Killed By A Falling Coconut Than Dying Of The Bird Flu.'”

“¢ “Scientists Confirm Reality Television Contributing To Epidemic Drop in Intelligence Level.”

“¢ “Martin Admits To Lack Of Character, Harper Confesses To Hidden Right Wing Agenda. Both Concede Layton Is ‘Lesser Of Three Evils'”.
“¢ “Pope Admits To Church’s History of Narrow-Mindedness, Presides Over First Gay Wedding At The Vatican.”

“¢ “Keanu Reeves And Ben Affleck Compete To Play Wooden Title Character In New Live Action Pinnocchio.”

“¢ “C.E.O.s Of Top Three Canadian Banks Turn Down Pay Rises, Agree To Contribute One Year Of Their Firm’s Profits To Food Banks.”

“¢ “Bono Goes Into Hiding, Refuses To Talk To Reporters.”

“¢ (Sorry, I know that last one is going a bit too far.)

Some things I’m going to do (or do more) of in 2006

“¢ The Hokey Pokey .

“¢ Watching Canadian films.

“¢ Working my way through the Neil Young and Leonard Cohen song books.

“¢ Sloughing off appointments and obligations in the middle of the week in order to walk along the beach or get together with friends for long, lazy lunches.

“¢ Continue my dedicated pursuits of the perfect barbecued back ribs and handcrafted beer.

“¢ Riding my bike through the woods at night.

“¢ Baking my own bread.

“¢ Climbing trees with my daughter.

“¢ Dancing in the living room with my wife and daughter.

“¢ Giving money to street performers (even if they are bad mimes).

“¢ Swimming in the ocean in the winter.

“¢ Playing board games.

“¢ Acquiring more useless skills and knowledge.

“¢ Taking chances; Relinquishing control.

“¢ When in doubt, saying “yes.”