I just started a new job that I thoroughly enjoy. My dilemma is that I am attracted to a coworker. I work closely with this woman and I think she is also attracted to me. My problem is that she is married. She is quite flirtatious with me, which makes me wonder if she is happy in her marriage. My feelings are quite strong toward this woman and I would like to pursue a relationship with her. All my buddies are telling me to stay away from her, that I’m just asking for trouble. I’m not sure I want to let this go. Maybe we were meant to be together. Don’t we have a right to find that out?
Brian – Manitoba
Thanks for writing Brian.
I understand your feelings of urgency, but I think you need to slow down. You said you just started this job, so I’m going to assume it’s only been a few weeks or months.
To feel an attraction for someone you work with is not all that uncommon. You are spending a lot of time together and obviously working toward the same goals, but frequently that’s where the relationship ends.
You both need to set some boundaries. Brian, you have to consider the fact that this woman is married. If this were to progress beyond a work relationship it will affect more than just the two of you. Think about this woman’s husband and the families of both parties that would be affected if this marriage were to breakdown. You did not mention if there are children involved.
You said she is flirtatious. How do you know that she is not just a person who flirts as part of her nature? Some people do this, but it is harmless fun and they have no further intent but to flirt.
I think you need to put this into perceptive and pull back a bit from this situation. If you are unable to do this, perhaps consider transferring to another department in the company.
On the other hand, if this woman were to separate from her husband and you feel a mutual attraction, then go for it!
I’m sure you probably don’t like this advice. Good luck Brian. As you know, ultimately the choice is yours.
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E-mail your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality: your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.