Milk-Crate Bandit – Not-So-Starving Artists

History is rife with losers that gave everything they had to their art which, though it immortalized them in the end, never gave anything back during their lifetimes. Among this list rank sad sacks like Pablo Picasso, George Washington Carver, Joseph Mohr, and William Percival Josquin Walcarn Shakespeare III, Esq.

There is a similar stigma today in independent music, with bands being placed not in categories of style or taste but circulation, and a certain amount of credibility is lent to those who strive to make their music as inaccessible as possible, either through low budgeting, creatively unappealing album covers, or other means. Also, food is delicious.

Gravy Train!!!! ? Ghost Boobs

Gravy Train!!!! is an extremely successful parody of itself, pumping out gaudily overhyped dance tracks about sex and hamburgers, grinding down the stage in their underpants, and basically just being all around perverts. If you like laughing and/or dancing, You’re about to be really glad you read this.

DJ Food ? Recipe for Disaster

Though this album occasionally gets a little bland at points and could use a little pepper, It’s still a tasty treat for the turntable-inclined.

Vanilla Fudge ? Self-titled

I was sure that by now the Fudge must have realized how hilarious these old recordings are, but sadly they remain a band and continue to play the same tripped-out (mostly covers) hippy poop they always did, including a recent Led Zeppelin cover album. If only it could be 1967 forever, huh guys?

FATO ? Devoured/Lapidate/FATO/Vomigod Split CD

Peterborough, Ontario’s Forever Annihilating the Obese is a grindcore band dedicated to eating a lot. With songs like ?Fast Food Diet? and ?Liposuction Fetish,? I think they probably qualify as the heaviest band ever, literally and figuratively.

Frank Zappa ? Burnt Weeny Sandwich

There is something really unsettling about Zappa’s music; it has an eerily familiar distortion to it that makes it seem like you could play it at a wedding or a punk show. Always/never appropriate.

Mudhoney ? Piece of Cake

Dear Steve Malkmus,

Listen up, poseur.

Love, Erik

Eggs ? Bruiser LP

In the 1990s there was an awful lot of really crappy music being touted as the ?alternative? to the lame stuff major labels were barely churning out, and pretty much any jerk with a distortion pedal (e.g., Everclear, Pearl Jam, Hole, Garbage, Dishwalla, Weezer) became the super-heavy new alt thing to like.

Eggs flew in under the radar with some really rockin?, genuinely awesome alternative-to-the-alternative music that absolutely nobody has ever heard of. Eggs: the other white meat.

Guns N? Roses ? The Spaghetti Incident?

I don’t think anyone, including Axl Rose, likes Axl Rose, but at least they covered songs by The Damned, The Dead Boys, Fear, Soundgarden, and Charles Manson.

Supertramp ? Breakfast in America

I will never tire of two things: this album and laughing at skydiving injuries.

Cannibal Corpse ? Eaten Back to Life

Unless you like it when your ears bleed, you probably shouldn’t listen to this. You know how kids are always trying to find the most vile and repulsive thing to be into so they can use it to horrify their parents? Well, kids that listen to this horrify other kids. I don’t think zombies even like music, but That’s just a guess.

Mike Patton ? Pranzo Oltranzista

This is an experimental vocal and orchestral album themed after an Italian menu. After that I’m pretty lost, because not one single part of any of this make a lick of sense.

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