Dear Barb – Wedding Guest Can Show She’s Moved On

Dear Barb:

I am in my early twenties and until last year I had been involved in a serious relationship. I was in love with this man and thought he would be my life partner. Therefore I was completely devastated when I received an email from him telling me that the relationship was over.

The worst part is that he began dating my best friend shortly after we broke up. I really had no clue there was anything between them. In fact I didn’t even think they liked each other. Although it has been very uncomfortable I have tried to be civil about this and maintain contact with both of them. Needless to say the relationship has changed and Sue and I are definitely not confidantes anymore.

Still, I was totally unprepared when I received an invitation to their upcoming wedding. I don’t know what to do; I really don’t want to go but I don’t want them to know that I am upset. What do you suggest I do?


Hi, Carrie. Breaking up with you via email is really not cool! The least he could have done was talk to you face to face. You have definitely risen above a very difficult situation with grace and dignity and you should be commended for that.

don’t be too hard on yourself. Often people are so close to a situation that they lack the ability to see the reality of what’s really going on. Besides, be happy this happened before you were married and possibly had a family, as it would have been much more complicated under those conditions.

As far as attending the wedding I think you could either attend or not. Depending on how It’s handled no one really has to know your true feelings.

You said you don’t want to attend the wedding, but have you thought about finding a really hot date to accompany you? That would definitely indicate you are okay and have moved on. On the other hand, I’m sure you could plan a weekend away that just happens to be the same weekend as the wedding. Either way is acceptable.

Perhaps the wedding couple have also been struggling with whether or not to invite you. If that is the case they would probably be okay with whatever you decide.

Basically I would suggest you do what feels most comfortable to you. Best of luck, Carrie.

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