Dear Barb:
Tina and I have been best friends for fifteen years. We get along really well for the most part. Tina’s boyfriend and I were friends on facebook, therefore I was taken back when, one day out of the blue, Tina told me that her boyfriend was getting tired of seeing posts from me and was going to unfriend me. I was so upset by her comment, that I told Tina it was okay and that I would unfriend him so he didn’t have to. She never said anything, so I went ahead and unfriended him. Since then Tina’s boyfriend has not communicated with me. I sent him messages on facebook and he just ignores me. As well, numerous times I have suggested to Tina that we get together with our boyfriends and she always makes excuses as to why that is not possible.
Recently I mentioned to Tina that I hoped her boyfriend was not upset that I unfriended him on facebook. I reminded her that she told me he was going to unfriend me and that’s why I did it. Tina said “oh Jay would have never unfriended you.” Then I asked her why she said he was going to unfriend me. This was all done through email and facebook chat. I have not heard back from her since the last email. Not sure whether I should contact her, or just leave things up to her?
Cara.
Hi Cara:
It sounds like there is a lot of miscommunication going on. Frequently this happens when you text and email, rather than speak face to face. Perhaps when your friend said her boyfriend was going to unfriend you, you overreacted and she spoke without thinking and now she doesn’t know how to fix it. Tina needs to explain to her boyfriend what has transpired as he is probably thinking you have an issue with him; otherwise, why would you unfriend him? This situation could easily escalate to the point where the relationship may end if the four of you don’t sit down and discuss things. Contact Tina and suggest a neutral place where the four of you could meet. I don’t think you really want to throw away a fifteen year relationship.
Hope this helps.
Dear Barb:
I am having problems with my girlfriend. I know she has been seeing other guys behind my back, but I really love her. She keeps promising me that she won’t do it again, but she does. Do you think I should end this relationship or keep trying. Help!
Ken
Hello Ken:
You don’t mention how long you have been in this relationship. Has she been doing this throughout the whole relationship, or is something triggering her behaviour. If this were a new occurrence in a long standing relationship then I would say go for counselling to try to find out what’s going on. On the other hand if she has been carrying on like this throughout the whole relationship then maybe she is just not ready to settle down into a committed, monogamous relationship. In that case, it might be time to say goodbye and move on.
Thanks for your question!
Email your questions to voice@voicemagazine.org. Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.
