Dear Barb:

Dear Barb:

Hi Barb, my husband’s friends are driving me crazy. They come over at all times of the day or night! I have asked them to call before they come, as we have two young children who are often in bed when they show up. As well, I am taking courses at AU and I save my studying to do when the kids are in bed. My husband doesn’t mind his friends coming over and says that if I don’t like it then it’s up to me to work it out with them. I don’t agree with him, I think since they are his friends he should be dealing with them. When I tell them to call first they just brush me off, as my husband doesn’t back me up. This is causing problems between us. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get this to stop?


Hey Tiffany:

I agree that your husband should be the one to tell his friends to call before they come. They are intruding on your family time. Your husband doesn’t want to be the heavy in this situation; therefore he is leaving it up to you. You need to be firm with your husband about and let him know that these are his friends and he needs to tell them to call first. If it is not a good time for them to visit, perhaps your husband could meet his friends at a coffee shop or at their house. Hope this helps!!!

Dear Barb:

I am in my twenties and I was adopted as an infant. My parents have always been caring, loving people and I have had a great life. Since I was very young I have always had this nagging desire to find out whom my biological parents are and why I was given up for adoption. The problem is that I’m reluctant to share my feelings with my parents because it might upset them. My parents have been open with me about the fact that I was adopted, but they haven’t offered any information about my biological parents. As well, I do have some health issues and I would like to find out if there is a genetic link. I’m not sure how to broach this subject with my parents. I would appreciate any advice you could offer.
Thanks, Derrick.

Hi Derrick:

Thanks for your question. Most people who are adopted have a natural curiosity about their biological parents. You have a right to know who your biological parents are, especially if there are health issues that could impact you and any future children. You need to sit down with your parents and share your feelings. You may be surprised by their reaction. Since they have always been honest with you about your adoption, they obviously weren’t trying to hide anything from you. Perhaps they were just waiting for you to bring up the subject. On the other side of this issue, you need to be prepared for your biological parent’s reaction. They may not be receptive and view your presence as a disruption to their lives, especially if they have not shared your birth with others in the family. On the other hand, you may find them greeting you with open arms and willing to answer all your questions. Hopefully your adoptive parents will support you no matter what the outcome is. Good luck on your journey Derrick.

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