I have been reading your column for a while, hoping I would see my situation in one of the questions, but I haven’t yet. I am in my early twenties and just finished my second year of university. This year my roommates were both guys. I was a little hesitant to move in with them, but they both had girlfriends and at the time I had a boyfriend. Throughout the year all three of us ended up breaking off our relationships. As a result we spent a lot of time at home, or going out to bars and partying together. The problem is that I have become intimately involved with both guys. I really feel awful and I don’t know how it happened. We have not talked about it, but I believe each guy has a suspicion that I may be involved with the other. Since the school year is over I am now in the process of moving back home to work for the summer. Both guys have been pressuring me to renew our arrangement for the next school year. I really don’t want to move back in with them, as my ex-boyfriend has contacted me and there is a possibility we may reconcile. I don’t want to tell my boyfriend about what happened with my roommates, but I fear it will come out, since he knows both guys. I think my boyfriend would not want to reconcile with me if he knew about what happened. Not sure how to handle this situation. I know I really messed up.
You are right, you messed up! There are a lot of different things going on here. You say you don’t know how this happened; you might want to spend some time trying to figure that out before you move into a relationship with anyone. Don’t jump back into a relationship with your ex-boyfriend, as there were obviously problems in that relationship that needs to be worked out, or you never would have broken up. If you move back in with your previous roommates you are just asking for trouble, as they may expect things to continue as before. You must get away from this unhealthy situation and begin a fresh start. At some point, when you have figured out exactly why this happened, and if you still want to reconcile with your ex-boyfriend, you need to discuss this situation with him. You don’t want to enter into a relationship keeping secrets from each other. Secrets always have a way of finding their way to the surface.
Good Luck Dana, hope I was able to help.
Email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.