Dear Barb – Under Pressure

Dear Barb:

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. He really wants me to move in with him, but I know my parents don’t want me to and I don’t want to upset them. My parents really like Mark, but they want me to finish school before we move in together. We get along great and I definitely see a future with Mark and don’t want to lose him. How can I make everybody happy?
Tracy

Hi Tracy:

You can never make everyone happy, that’s impossible. You need to make yourself happy, while still considering the feelings of the important people in your life. The fact that you are writing into this column indicates that perhaps you are having second thoughts about moving in with your boyfriend. If your relationship is solid, your boyfriend will wait until you finish school and not pressure you to move in with him. If he is giving you an ultimatum, that’s not a healthy way to begin a life together. When you and your boyfriend decide to move in together it should be a mutual decision, not one person pressuring the other. Don’t rush into anything.

Dear Barb:

I have been dating a wonderful girl for the last six months. The problem is that when we get into a disagreement she closes down and refuses to discuss the issue. I feel like we don’t ever resolve anything. It just gets swept under the rug and then after a few days Kim carries on like everything is fine. If I try to bring the issue up again she gets angry and closes down yet again. I am so frustrated, I really don’t know what to do. Even when I tell her how frustrated I am she dismisses my feelings. We have a lot of fun together and our relationship is really good between these episodes. Not sure if I should call it quits and move on, or try to get Kim to go to counseling, which could be very challenging to do.
Frustrated Frank in Kelowna

Hey Frank:

I can understand your frustration. You cannot have a normal healthy relationship if you can’t resolve your issues to each party’s satisfaction. Your frustration will turn to resentment and the happy times in your relationship will be overshadowed by these negative feelings. It seems that, possibly, your girlfriend has grown up in a home where communication was not practiced and she does not know how to resolve conflict. There are a lot of good books on effective communication that would be helpful, but couple’s counseling may be more beneficial, as you will have someone facilitating your interactions with each other. I think you should try to work on the relationship rather than give it up, as you say you do have good times together. Communication is a very common difficultly in relationships, but not insurmountable.
Good luck Frank.

Email your questions to voice@voicemagazine.org. Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.

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