From Where I Sit – Pain in the Butt

Here we are ’celebrating’ another long Heritage Day weekend in Alberta. The temperature for the past week or so has been far too much for many of us. We prairie kids don’t do that well when the humidity pushes the “feels like” temperature toward the forties. For those of us stuck home working, there is no holiday.

You can spare me the talk about how winter is eight months long, how soon enough we’ll be bitching about the minus thirty temps, how summer just lasts a blink of an eye. Heard it all, understand it, don’t care. This may be less disruptive to my life if we had the luxury of air conditioning or a schedule that allowed for extended time spent on shady patios throwing back cold beverages. But it doesn’t.

I’m plugging through the busiest time of my year. As a marriage commissioner most of my bridal couples choose outdoor weddings. I feel the pain of the poor groom and his guys sweating it out in black three-piece wool tuxes. Or the bride and her gals in their long dresses. Synthetic fibres don’t breathe so we “glow.” I pray for a patch of shade and a gentle breeze. Not enough to make anyone’s hair look crazy but enough to cool and refresh.

When I’m not out performing wedding ceremonies, I’m chained to my desk doing festival work. My home office has an east-facing window so in the morning, when my productivity is highest and I’m hard at it, the room begins to heat up. The twelve-inch oscillating fan has more of a placebo effect than anything. The whir of the blades and the rhythmic back and forth, back and forth tricks my feverish brain into believing the room is getting cooler. It’s not.

But because I’m a grownup with responsibilities and a helluva to-do list I suffer through it. On some of the worst days, with the door locked I wear a cotton nightgown sans bra all day long. Loose-fitting, breathable cotton fabric?ahhhh.

Other days I’m grateful to be in the car running errands all over hell’s half acre. Except when the Honda’s air conditioning seems to be acting up. Three times now it’s failed me in Edmonton and most of the way home. A mechanic says there’s nothing wrong. So why, in God’s name, am I having to drive with the windows down? The wind and road noise can make you deaf. I can’t hear my audio book.

Luckily we have a large, silent ceiling fan in the bedroom that does a reasonable job of cooling down our west-facing bedroom. The basement is much cooler but the bed is worse so we make the trade-off. Since I’ve been seeing a naturopath my insomnia is virtually non-existent so sleep provides blessed relief.

So, why dear reader am I telling you all this? You can’t help me. Sometimes a girl just needs to vent, to have someone silently listen as I blow off steam. Because always being reasonable is a pain in the butt, from where I sit.

Hazel Anaka’s first novel is Lucky Dog. Visit her website for more information or follow her on Twitter @anakawrites..