Dear Barb – Judging a Book by its Cover

Dear Barb:
I have been married for two years. Before we were married my husband was outgoing and friendly with my family and friends. Since we got married he doesn’t want to visit family and when he does join me he sits in the corner and watches TV. People are asking me what’s wrong with him. I’m embarrassed by him and don’t want to bring him to any events for fear I will be judged because of his bad behaviour. I have tried talking to him to find out if there is something wrong, but he says no, he just doesn’t feel like talking. Why would someone just change so suddenly?


Hi Dawn:

Your husband’s behaviour is not a reflection of you. If he chooses not to socialize, that is his choice. You are your own person and only responsible for your behaviour. However it does seem odd that there would be such a shift in his personality. Are you sure he has not become depressed, or something happened at work that is bothering him? Have you discussed this with his family members? Perhaps there is a history of depression in his background, or possibly he was putting on an act before you were married and now he is feeling relaxed enough to be himself. Either way he is your husband and you will have to accept him as he is. Thanks for your question Dawn.

Dear Barb:

My friend and I are voracious readers. We love all kinds of books and we often exchange books. Lately Katherine has not returned the books I have given her. I keep asking her if she has read them and she says she hasn’t gotten around to it yet, but I know she has been reading other books. She didn’t specifically ask to read the books I loaned her, but I know what kind of books she likes and That’s why I gave them to her. My feelings are hurt and I really don’t want to lend anymore books to her if she doesn’t read them anyway! Why are some people so insensitive? Thanks Gina.

Hi Gina:

Reading is a great pastime, I love it too! If your friend didn’t specifically ask to borrow a particular book, then you probably shouldn’t have given it to her. She obviously has other books that she has on her reading list that she prefers to read at this time. In order to avoid this from happening in the future, wait for your friend to ask to borrow a book or when you read a book that you think she will enjoy, tell her about it and let her know that is it available for her to borrow when she is ready. I don’t think she is being insensitive, she just prefers to read at her pace and not yours. Happy reading Gina.

Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.