Dear Barb – Secrets and Stereotypes

Dear Barb:

Essentially I’m making a comment rather than asking a question. A couple of friends and I rented an apartment in a building near the university and we’re almost finished our first year. The building is half full of students, the rest are older people, families etc. I know everyone thinks students party all the time and make a lot of noise and destroy property. Well, that is not the case in this building. Most of the students only party on the weekends. Sure, there are a few rowdy students and the police were called a few times, but on the whole, pretty low keyed. We are trying to get an education and most of us have paid for our own schooling. I find that generally the noise in the building is coming from kids playing in the halls and couples arguing. Many evenings while I’m attempting to study, kids are running up and down the halls and knocking on doors. This is very intrusive and disruptive behaviour. As well, I don’t know how many times I have had to listen to couples arguing and screaming and throwing stuff around. A few times I called the police because I feared someone was getting hurt. I just don’t think It’s fair that all students are being painted with the same brush, when really That’s not the case at all. There, I got that off my mind!
Thanks for letting me vent. Dylan

Hi Dylan:

Thanks for sharing and you are correct, university students are labeled as partiers who are just out for a good time. There are a lot of examples of this type of behaviour occurring when a large group of students get together and there is alcohol involved. On the other hand, there are also examples of this behaviour taking place following a sports event or similar situations. I agree with you; it isn’t just young people or students that carry on. Once you combine men, women, alcohol, and drugs, often a loss of control and inhibitions follow. As a rule, I believe most young people actually go to University to get an education!

Dear Barb:

A few months ago I met a fabulous guy and we began dating. He is loving, caring and has a great sense of humor. I really thought he was the one until I discovered he is married! I was at his apartment and the phone rang while he was in the shower so I answered it. The woman on the other end said, “Hi, Carrie, is Kevin there?” I said this is not Carrie and that Kevin wasn’t available. I think she sensed my awkwardness and said that she would call back later. I was perplexed to say the least. When Kevin got out of the shower I told him about the phone call and asked who Carrie was. He was clearly upset, but admitted that she was his wife and that they are separated. He said he was going to tell me about it, but he couldn’t find the right words. I find it disturbing that he could keep this from me for three months and that makes me wonder if he has other secrets that he’s keeping. Do you think I should say goodbye to him, or give him another chance? Donna

Hi Donna:

Wow that is a big secret to keep from someone. However he does seem to have a lot of good qualities that you find desirable, so you may want to give him another chance, but be cautious. It may simply have been that he didn’t know how to tell you, and feared it would scare you away. I am not in any way condoning his behaviour, as you have to do what you feel is right. Pay attention to your intuition, it usually steers you in the right direction. Good luck Donna!

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