Dear Barb – They’re Not Me!

Dear Barb:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. He is awesome! I truly love him, but lately he’s been spending a lot of time with my best friend. They always got along well and I was happy about that because my previous boyfriend did not get along with Sarah and it was pretty uncomfortable. I hate to say this but I am starting to feel jealous, like maybe my boyfriend would rather spend time with Sarah instead of me. I haven’t said anything to either of them yet and I’m not sure if I should, or just let it go. What do you think? Ashley.

Hi Ashley:

Do you have any reason not to trust your boyfriend or your best friend? If not I would just let it go and be happy they are getting along so well. However if there is a reason for your mistrust, then maybe you might want to mention it to your boyfriend. Perhaps explain that you feel uncomfortable with him spending so much time with Sarah. I am sure he would understand and if he doesn’t, ask how he would feel about your spending a lot of time with his best friend. Sometimes situations are easier for people to understand if they put themselves in the other person’s shoes. Good luck Ashley, and thanks for your question.

Dear Barb:

I really enjoy reading your column but I haven’t read a problem quite like mine. My twin brother is gay. He came out about two years ago. It was difficult for my family to accept at first, but now everything is good. He has a boyfriend whom the family really like. Since my brother came out a lot of my friends think that because we are twins that I am gay as well. I really don’t understand why someone would assume I am gay because my twin brother is gay. I don’t believe being gay runs in families. I am getting tired of answering this question, do you have any advice for me, short of wearing a sign saying my twin brother is gay, but I’m not! Courtney.

Hi Courtney:

I’m glad to hear your brother had the courage to come out and face this issue. Even though being gay is more accepted than it used to be, there are still some diehards out there who just cannot accept anyone who is different. How and why a person becomes gay is still not totally understood, which leads to a lot of unfair confusion and prejudice in many people. I would suggest when you are asked if you are gay, to answer with a clear and concise response, that “no you are not gay” then move on and don’t dwell on it. Sorry but there really is no easier way to handle this situation. Until society becomes further educated on this topic, these kinds of issues will come up. Excellent question, Courtney.

Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.

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