Dear Barb – The Gift of Time

Dear Barb:

My boyfriend and I have been invited to a birthday party/open house for a friend who is turning thirty. The invitation says no gifts, just your presence required. I believe people just say that, but they really want a gift, my boyfriend doesn’t agree with me. He doesn’t want to bring a gift but I do. What do you think? Michelle.

Hi Michelle:

Great question! If someone says no gifts then you can safely assume that you have no obligation to bring a gift. There may be a reason why they do not want gifts. For example they already have enough “stuff.” Therefore if you really would like to bring a gift, perhaps a gift card is a good choice. However if the birthday or celebration is for a family member, or someone you have a particularly close relationship with you may want to bring a gift. So really it is up to you. Thanks for your question Michelle.

Dear Barb:

My girlfriend and I are in our mid-twenties. We have been dating six months and this is the first serious relationship for both of us. We get along great and are having a lot of fun together. My girlfriend is in her last year of university and I just graduated this year and will be starting a job next month. Everything seems to be falling into place for us, except that we do have a bit of tension as a result of her wanting us to move in together. I’m having some doubts, not because of anything in our relationship, but I think we should wait a little while longer. She says there is no reason to wait since everything is going so well and we should move forward. I’m afraid if I insist she’ll misinterpret it, and think that I’m not happy with her and ultimately end the relationship. I’m not sure how to tell her I’m just not ready. Looking forward to your reply, Jacob.

Hey Jacob:

It sounds like you are on a good path to your future. All the available dating advice suggests you date someone for a year before you move in together or make any other serious commitment, as it is a good idea to see how well a person functions under a variety of situations and stressors. You need to be honest and straightforward with your girlfriend and tell her you are not ready and that it has nothing to do with her or your relationship. If she cannot respect your feelings and chooses to end the relationship, then it probably wasn’t meant to be. Take your time and follow your intuition. Thanks Jacob.

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