Dear Barb – Cheated in the Past

Dear Barb:

I am just finishing my last course at AU. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and we get along great. I wasn’t aware of any problems between us; however I just found out that my boyfriend slept with someone else. Last Saturday night he went to a party with some friends, while I went home to visit my parents for the weekend. One of my friends who was at the party told me my boyfriend got really drunk and ended up having sex with a girl at the party. My friend didn’t know who she was. I am totally devastated and don’t know what to do. I haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend and he hasn’t said anything, although he has been acting pretty sheepishly. Not sure if I should bring it up, or wait for him to mention it. I’m really not even sure I want to continue in this relationship. I don’t think I will ever be able to trust him again. Looking for some direction. Thanks Tammy.

Hi Tammy;

Before you make any decisions you and your boyfriend need to have a serious discussion about what exactly happened and why. At that point you will be able to decide for yourself how you feel about your boyfriend’s explanation. You have to decide if you believe this was a onetime event or if there is a good possibility it will happen again. If you are unable to let this go and move on with your relationship it will never work. Every time you have a disagreement this will be brought up and rehashed. Perhaps before you actually make the final decision you may want to go for some couple counseling, it will be beneficial to you both. Best of luck Tammy.

Dear Barb:

I am a forty-year-old mother of three. I had a rough upbringing as my mother was very neglectful and gave me away to relatives to be raised. I haven’t seen her for years and now she wants to become a part of my life and see her grandchildren. I don’t know if I can forgive her, however my children want to meet their grandmother. I have never talked about my mom to my kids, so they don’t know a lot about her, as they are still quite young. I am happy now and I’m scared to allow her back into my life, as I don’t want to be hurt again. What do you think? Help, Hanna!

Hi Hanna:

You seemed to have gotten over your dysfunctional upbringing and have found happiness in your life, a feat that many people are not able to accomplish that. I think you owe it to yourself, your children, and your mother to give your mother a second chance. She may have worked through a lot of the issues that caused her to do the things she did to you and now wants an opportunity to make it up to you and her grandchildren. If you try and you are not able to let the past go, at least you will know that you have tried and have also given your children an opportunity to meet their grandmother. Thanks for your question Hanna.

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