Dear Barb – Bad Dates

Dear Barb:

My best friend Sue used to be so nice and now she’s a bitch! We used to do all kinds of stuff together like skiing, going on vacations, running and spending time with our other friends. Now she ignores us and spends all her time with her possessive boyfriend. When I try to talk to her about it she says I’m jealous because I don’t have a boyfriend. Really, that is not true, of course I would like to have a boyfriend, but I would still want to do things with my friends. What makes girls do this to their friends when they get a boyfriend? Michelle.

Hey Michelle:

Great question! In the early stages of a relationship is it normal to spend all your time learning about the other person, but eventually you should get to a point where you are able to maintain outside friendships. Sometimes girls get caught up with guys who are possessive and want them to spend all their time with them. Initially the girlfriend is flattered, but then it becomes smothering and unhealthy. So if this is a new relationship, allow them their time to get to know each other. If the relationship continues like this after a few months, your friend will have to decide for herself who she wants to see and if she doesn’t this could become a very unhappy relationship. Thanks Michelle.

Dear Barb:

My husband passed away a year ago and I have recently begun dating other people. My friends and family are not reacting favourably to me dating and they are not hiding it. They are making comments like, “already” “so soon” and I really hate it, but I don’t know what to say to them. I already feel guilty enough and then to have to listen to them only makes it worse. Maybe they are right and I shouldn’t be dating yet. What do you think? Thanks, Kim.

Hi Kim:

So sorry for your loss. There is no set time to move on, it depends on the individual. Grief is a very personal thing; some people are able to move forward quickly while others may take years. And the time it takes is not a measure of the love you feel for the person you lost. Kim, you have to live your life for yourself not for other people. So hold your head up and do what feels right for you. Life is meant to be lived! Best of luck.

Dear Barb:

My husband and I decided not to acknowledge Valentines Day this year. We both felt it was just another cash grab for the stores. So we decided not to get each other anything, even a card. Not a good idea! I felt awful getting up Valentine’s Day without even a card to open. My husband said he also felt bad. So next year we will be back to spending money on all that mushy stuff again. Just saying. Amy.

Hey Amy:

Thank so much for sharing, perhaps something for others to think about.

Email your questions to voice@voicemagazine.org. Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.

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