Dear Barb – Sending A Message

Dear Barb:

My husband and I dated three years before marrying. We have been married four years now. Our life is very happy. After a lot of soul searching and talking, we both decided we do not want to have children. Not that we don’t like children, as we both have nieces and nephews that we just adore, but we don’t want children of our own. I can’t say 100% that this will never change, but it won’t change any time soon. My husband and I are happy with our decision; the problem is my family and friends. My mom is constantly asking me when we are going to have grandkids for her. My sister and her husband have two young children and she also asks when we are having kids. My husband says to just ignore them, but I find that hard to do. I haven’t told them about our decision not to have children, because I’m sure that would crush my mom. Not sure how to handle this. Do you think I should just tell my mom and get it over with? Becky

Hi Becky:

Yes, I think you should tell your mom and your family members that you and your husband are not planning on having children at the present time, and that this may or may not change in the future. Also tell her that you would appreciate if she would stop asking about children and that if, or when your decision changes you will let her know. If you don’t put this to rest, she is going to continue asking. After you tell her, if she continues to ask when you are having children, you would then have to be very firm and definitive with her. For now, give her the benefit of the doubt and hope that she will stop asking after you explain your plans. Thanks for writing, Becky.

Dear Barb:

I have been dating my boyfriend for six months. Initially everything was good, he was very caring and considerate, but now he is the opposite. He is always late for our dates and when I go to his place, he doesn’t even offer me a drink, in fact most of the time he is watching sports and just ignores me. When I try to talk to him about how much sports he watches he gets mad and says all guys like to watch sports and that we can talk later. Later never comes. So either I sit there and watch sports, which I hate, or I leave. I’m getting a strong feeling that he doesn’t really care about me. Do you think he is trying to send me a message? Tanya

Hey Tanya:

You may be right, but you will never know unless you have a heart to heart talk with him about how you feel. Men watching sports is a common problem in relationships. You cannot expect your boyfriend to completely stop watching sports because you don’t like it, just as he cannot expect you to stop doing something that you like. Relationships are all about compromise. For example, perhaps you could both agree that your husband will watch games when his favorite team is playing and during this time you can do something you enjoy. Before you do anything, you need to find out if this relationship is something he wants and is willing work for, as it seems as if more than just the sports is bothering you. Good luck, Tanya.

Email your questions to voice@voicemagazine.org. Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.

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