Dear Barb – Separate Paths

Dear Barb:

I have a friend of about fifteen years, Maureen, who, up until a few years ago, I got along great with. But then she said something about my boyfriend that I really didn’t appreciate. We discussed this and I thought we would but able to move on, but the relationship has never been the same. That event changed my opinion of who Maureen is, to the point where I am not sure she is a person I want to spend a lot of time with. I have struggled with this, as we were such good friends prior and I hoped we would be good friends again, but I am beginning to doubt that will ever happen. Should I be able to get over this? Am I at fault? Looking forward to your opinion, Sylvia.

Hi Sylvia:

I don’t think who’s at fault is important in this scenario. Often long term relationships change over time. Sometimes nothing happens to trigger this change, people just change and require something different from their relationships. If you have both talked this over and you continue to feel differently toward your friend, maybe some distance would be a good thing for now. You may end up coming back together or growing further apart. The important thing is to accept this change and not look for fault in either of you. Thanks, Sylvia, and I hope this helps.

Dear Barb:

My wife and I have been married five years and we both work full time. We have no children yet, so we have a lot of free time. The problem is that I want to go out and do stuff with my wife while she wants to stay home and read! Sometimes I feel totally ignored by her. I have mentioned my feelings to my wife, but she says she loves to read and that I should go out and do what I want to do without her. Do you think She’s using reading as a way to avoid spending time with me? Thanks Tom.

Hi Tom:

Reading can become an escape, or an addiction for many women, while some simply enjoy a good book. When you say you want to do stuff with your wife, do you mean stuff that you want to do, or stuff that she wants to do. If she doesn’t enjoy the activities you are suggesting, then I can see her rationale that you should do what you want and she will do what she wants to do. I think you might want to take the time to sit down and decide what type of activities you both like to do, whether that is bike riding, bowling, golf or hiking, whatever. You can still do activities separately that you each enjoy and come together for mutual activities. Relationships are all about compromise and acceptance on the part of both individuals. Thanks for your question.

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