Dear Barb – Stripping the Argument

Dear Barb:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months. We get along pretty well and have a lot of fun together. Recently he’s been talking about going to watch strippers. He even wants me to go with him to see them! To be honest I never really thought much about strippers, It’s never come up in any other relationship. I haven’t said anything yet, just kind of laughed when he said it. Since then he has brought it up a few times and he is serious, he really wants me to go with him. Also he admits that he goes by himself, which I was unaware of. The more I think about this the more it is bothering me. I really don’t want to go watch naked women dancing around and I really don’t want him going either. I don’t know why he would want to do that when he has a girlfriend. It feels like a betrayal? Am I alone in my thinking? Help, Vicki

Hi Vicki,

Great question. Going to strip bars is basically a personal choice between you and your boyfriend, there is no right or wrong answer. Problems arise when one party wants to go and the other doesn’t want them too. For example, if you are dead set against going to strip bars and you don’t want your boyfriend going either, but he decides to go anyway, then there are obviously going to be problems. Going to see strippers creates an atmosphere that many people don’t feel comfortable with. So don’t think you are alone in your thinking. Thanks, Vickie.

Dear Barb:

My best friend and I had a big argument after she said some things which were very hurtful to me. We didn’t speak for three months and recently she sent me a text and apologized for what she said. I accepted her apology, but now she wants me to apologize to her. I said I didn’t do anything wrong and I don’t think I should apologize. She said if I don’t take ownership of my part of the argument, we can’t have a relationship. I really like her, but I can’t apologize for something I didn’t do. Am I being stubborn? Stacy

Hey Stacy:

Great question! No I don’t think you should apologize for something you didn’t do, but you can apologize for the way this situation made your friend feel. For example, you can tell her you want to mend the relationship, and if she was hurt, that was not your intention. Your friend did make the first move and apologized to you and if the relationship is important to you, then you are going to have to meet her part way. It’s rare that only one person is 100% at fault in a relationship, you may have said some things that hurt her but you didn’t realize it at the time. Apologize and move forward. Thanks for taking the time to write Stacy.

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Email your questions to voice@voicemagazine.org. Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.

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