Dear Barb – Resisting Romance

Dear Barb:

I am in my mid thirties and have been married for seven years. Recently I attended a New Year’s Eve party with four other couples. We have known each other for many years and always have a lot of fun together. At the party we were all drinking and by midnight we were pretty buzzed. We gave each other the obligatory New Year’s Eve kiss, but with one of my friend’s the kiss was a little longer than usual. This particular man and I have been friends since we were in our early teens. There always seemed to be an attraction between us, but we never got together because we were never both unattached at the same time. I just assumed it wasn’t meant to be, but I felt something with this kiss and I’m pretty sure he did too. I love my husband but we have been having problems, so that just seems to add to the situation. We both have young children and I don’t want to break up my family over an attraction that may not materialize into anything. On the other hand maybe this is the love of my life and I don’t want to pass up something that could be truly amazing. I really need some help sorting this out. From Merica in Sudbury.

Hi Merica:

How serious are the problems in your marriage? Have you had some counselling? If you are still in love with your husband then you do not want to throw that away for something that may or may not work out. My suggestion would be to try your best to work it out with your husband. Breaking up two families will undoubtedly cause a lot of resentment with everyone, including the children. Thanks for your letter Merica and think before you act.

Dear Barb:

My wife passed away five years ago and I have not dated anyone since. My children are dead set against me dating anyone else and they have openly told me that. I don’t want to live the rest of my life alone, but I don’t want to alienate my children either. I want to do the right thing, but do I do the right thing for me, or for my children? Thanks for your advice, Glenn.

Hey Glenn:

I’m going to start out my answer with a famous quote, which I’m sure you have heard, “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time. ” (Abraham Lincoln)

My advice would be to do what feels right to you, while still being sensitive to your children’s feelings. You only have one life and you have to live it. Take the time to discuss your desires with your children, but don’t ask their permission. Tell them you hope they will respect your desire to move on with your life. If your children are reasonable people, they will accept your decision, but it may take them time to adjust to Dad being with someone else. Good Luck Glenn.

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Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.

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