Dear Barb – Visual Libido

Dear Barb:

We have a charming sister-in-law and I respect her opinion. One day me, my wife, my sister-in-law, and her husband were discussing different things and the subject of porn came up. She is sixty years old and I am seventy-seven. She is a very liberal person. I told her I look at porn all the time and she was very surprised and told me I shouldn’t be watching it. Is there something wrong with watching porn? Big Red.

Dear Big Red:

Great question! I’m not sure I would be able to get into all the issues surrounding pornography within this venue. You did not mention how your wife feels about you watching porn. Perhaps your wife has spoken to your sister-in-law about her feelings on you watching porn and that is why your sister-in-law said you should stop watching it. Many people have strong feelings about pornography because often young girls and boys and women with addiction problems became involved in pornography against their will. Often the men watching pornography choose not to see this reality, but rather convince themselves that the women on the screen are enjoying what they are doing. For the most part this is false. If these women were happy about what they are doing, why would they be hiding this from family members? I believe given the opportunity most women would get out of porn. Ultimately it is up to you and your moral compass whether you watch porno or not. Ask yourself how you would feel if your daughter or granddaughter were involved in pornography? Given a choice I don’t think It’s a profession most people would choose. Thanks for your question Red

Dear Barb:

My boyfriend and I have been together for about five years. We love each other and get along great except for one thing, sex. When we first got together everything was great and we had sex pretty regularly. Over time it seems we are having sex less often. I am okay with that, but my boyfriend wants to do it more often. He has said he is afraid I’m falling out of love with him, but I’m not, I still love him tremendously. How can I convince him I love him as much as always, but just don’t want sex as much as him? Thanks, Jackie.

Hi Jackie:

Sex is a big issue in relationships and people are rarely on the same page all the time. Some people want more sex than their partner and some less. The main thing is to come to a mutual place where you can both be satisfied. Sometimes planning to be intimate on a certain night or afternoon will create some anticipation and increase your desire. For some people spontaneity works better. This is definitely something that you can work out together. Sit down together and discuss your desires and try to come up with a compromise, if you can’t then I would suggest you see a couple’s counsellor. It’s important to be attentive and affectionate towards your boyfriend, so he will still feel loved and appreciated. Thanks for your letter Jackie.

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Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.

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