Dear Barb – The New Socialization

Dear Barb:

My husband and I have been together since we were teenagers and we are now in our mid thirties. We have always gotten along well and shared similar interests. We have two children who we both love tremendously. Bit in the last six months I have noticed a growing distance between us. My husband is pursuing new interests and doesn’t seem to want me involved, and to be honest I’m not really interested anyway. He has taken up golf and bowling: two activities that do not appeal to me. Along with these new activities, he has met a whole new group of people. I fear that our relationship is changing and we will just continue to drift. I don’t know whether I should see this as a new phase in our relationship and develop some of my own interests, or should I see this as the beginning of the end. I would appreciate some advice. Thanks, Bonnie.

Hi Bonnie:

The message I am picking up from your letter is that you have a good marriage, but recently you are feeling insecure about your husband’s new interests. Your insecurities are normal. What you are feeling may simply be growth within the relationship and growth as individuals. Relationships change just as people change. Don’t overreact. Develop some of your own interests but remember save time for each other. If you overreact this may cause a serious rift in your relationship and your husband will not want to speak to you about his new activities and as a result you will definitely grow apart. I suggest you enjoy this phase of your relationship Bonnie.

Dear Barb:

I have been dating my girlfriend for six months. Everything is good, except she is always on social media. When we are out for dinner it is very annoying when our evening is constantly being interrupted. I have been joking with her about how often she checks her Facebook, but I haven’t had the courage to tell her how I really feel. Am I being unreasonable to want to have an uninterrupted dinner with my girlfriend? Daniel.

Hey Daniel:

Thanks for writing and no you are not being unreasonable. You said you have been joking about your girlfriend checking her Facebook, I think you need to have a serious discussion about how you really feel. Obviously, she doesn’t realize the extent to which this is bothering you since you are joking about it. It’s best to talk about these things early in the relationship before resentment begins or it becomes a habit. If you approach her in a non-confrontational manner you both should be able to discuss this. Suggest that during dinners or movies etc. that she turn off her social media, so your time together will be exclusive. It is a healthy in a relationship to spend time together without interruptions.

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