Dear Barb—Cheating Tricks

Dear Barb:

My husband and I’ve been married ten years.  A couple years ago he had an affair while we were going through a bad time in our marriage.  He was very sorry and begged for another chance.  I’ve tried to forgive him to make our marriage work—we have two young children.  But it’s been rough going.  Every time we have an argument the affair comes up.  I can’t help it.  My husband takes responsibility and knows he has to give me time to work my way through it.  The biggest problem healing comes from our friends and family.  Most of my friends think I shouldn’t have forgiven him.  My best friend is trying to be supportive, but it’s obvious she has her doubts whether he’ll stay faithful.  I’m starting to think maybe they all know something I don’t, like maybe he did this before and they knew about it?  My mom is supportive.  She went through this with my dad and they managed to stay together, but their relationship is very strained at times.  I don’t know how to deal with the negativity and doubts.  Help! Kristen in Texas. 

Hi Kristen:

So sorry that you had to go through this.  Men cheat for many reasons and I’m sure you researched all of them and questioned yourself and your marriage.  The bottom line is you and your husband decided to try to make your marriage work.  Whether your friends approve is not important.  You have two kids and that is your biggest priority now.  If your friends can’t accept your decision and put this behind them, then it might be time to look for new friends.  It’s always easy for someone else to judge, but until they have been in the same position, they will never know what they would do.  You have chosen to give your husband a second chance, so see what he does with it.  But remember, constantly accepting cheating from your husband suggests personal issues, as no one should accept this type of betrayal.  Thanks for your letter Kristen.

Dear Barb:

It is a few days after Halloween and I’m still shaking my head.  Why were all these 15 and 16 year old teenagers knocking at my door for candy? I think Halloween should be for the little ones.  What do you think? Pat.

Hi Pat:

I feel the same as you.  Halloween should be for 12 and under.  Groups of teenagers can be intimidating for little kids already struggling because of costumes and masks.  Not that teenagers intend to scare little kids, but, as a group, they are usually loud and pushy.  Hopefully parents will encourage their teens not to go out trick or treating but rather celebrate with friends at a house party.  What really annoys me is when teenagers don’t even dress up, they just go house to house with their plastic bags! It’s an issue every year and I’m sure there will always be the ones that continue trick or treating far too long.  Thanks Pat.

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