Dear Barb—Picking the Right Guy

Dear Barb:

I am dating this awesome guy.  He’s great looking, has money, and a charismatic personality.  All my friends think I am so lucky to be dating Derrick.  The problem is I’m attracted to someone else, but I don’t want to end my relationship with Derrick and then regret it after.  The guy I’m attracted to isn’t really good looking or rich, or any of the things that Derrick is, but I just really like him.  We get along great and whenever we are together we have a lot of fun.  I think he is attracted to me, but I’m not really sure.  What if I break up with Derrick and this other guy isn’t interested, what would I do then? Help, Deb!

Hey Deb:

Thanks for writing.  If you break up with Derrick and the new guy isn’t interested then you just move on.  You shouldn’t be with someone “just in case” it doesn’t work out with someone else.  You should be with someone because you enjoy their company and care for them.  You might want to rethink your relationship with Derrick anyway, since you are obviously interested in other people.  Best of luck Deb!

Dear Barb:

Jay and I have been friends for years.  We’ve been through a lot together as we both lost our dads when we were young.  Recently he came out as gay.  I always suspected he was gay but thought I might be wrong because he dated girls at times.  It seems that since he came out, he is getting really close with me.  Often he puts his arm around me or grabs my hand playfully.  I am not gay and not interested in pursuing anything except friendship with him.  I don’t have a problem with him being gay.  Everyone has to live their truth.  I don’t want to alienate him, but I’m sure he knows I’m not gay, so I am confused, maybe I am reading his signals wrong.  Not sure how to clear this up and still maintain my friendship with Jay? Thanks, Zack.

Hey Zack:

Thanks for your letter.  Possibly you are reading his signals wrong.  He may just feel so relieved that he has come out, that he is just being himself.  While he was struggling to come to terms with being gay he may not have wanted to do anything that would be misconstrued by other males.  Since you guys have been friends for so long I would assume he knows you are not gay, but just to be sure, have an open discussion with him.  Tell him you are happy that he has come out and that you couldn’t imagine being gay and having to keep something like that inside.  Be supportive of him dating other men.  Best of luck Zack.

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