Dear Barb:
I have been with my girlfriend for three years and we got along great, for the most part, but recently we started arguing a lot. I think it might be time to end the relationship. We don’t seem to agree on anything, even watching a movie is becoming stressful. We don’t like the same kinds of movies; she won’t watch what I want to watch and I won’t watch what she wants to watch, so we end up watching nothing. Then the whole evening is ruined. We don’t seem to be able to talk through these things. We both get our backs up and give each other the silent treatment. It’s affecting our sex life as well. I mean, if we are not talking all night we really do not feel affectionate or close to each other.
She keeps saying we need to go to counseling, but I really don’t want to. It seems to me if we can’t get along, what good is a counselor going to be. I feel two people are either meant to be together or they are not, and I’m feeling like we are not meant to be. What do you think? Thanks, Jason.
Hey Jason:
Thanks for writing, not many guys take the time to write, so I can only assume you care a lot about this girl. Many people today give up on relationships long before they should. The main ingredients in all relationships are compromise and communication. No two people are ever going to agree on everything, so if you decide to give up on this relationship, you are likely going to run into similar problems in the next one. So why not learn to compromise now? It sounds like you both need to be more open minded and try doing what the other person wants to do. You may surprise yourself and find that you enjoy doing these things, or at the very least you may find some common interests. Good communication is vital to any relationship. You should sit down and discuss the ways that you can improve your relationship. Discuss your feelings, your likes and dislikes, and take the time to really listen to what each person is saying. Don’t be so focused on what you want to say next that you don’t hear what the other person is saying. Also always be respectful of each other’s differences. The world is made up of all kinds of people, if everyone were the same we would all be like mechanical beings walking around. If you find it impossible to do this on your own, then I would suggest you find a counselor that specializes in communication. No Jason, I don’t think you should give up on this relationship!