Dear Barb—Moving On Too Soon?

Dear Barb:

My mother passed away suddenly a couple of years ago and I miss her tremendously.  My kids miss her and my dad was devastated when she passed.  Recently, though, my dad has started seeing another woman and I am having a hard time accepting it.  She seems like a nice enough woman, but I feel like I’m betraying my mom when I spend time with her.  My kids really like her which bothers me, as I am afraid they will forget who their grandma is.  Is it strange that I feel this way? My dad says mom would want us to move on with our lives.  Thanks, Melinda.

Hi Melinda:

So sorry for your loss.  One of the hardest things to do when we lose someone we love is to move on, and you are right we often feel we are betraying that person.  Do you think your mother would want you and your dad and your children to live the rest of your life grieving her loss? I really don’t think so.  Your mother will always be a part of you and your children.  Although your dad is with someone else, you can still have special remembrances of your mother.  When it is her birthday or other special occasions, you and your children can celebrate and I wouldn’t be surprised if your dad wanted to join in.  Moving on with your life doesn’t mean forgetting your mother.  A bereavement support group may be helpful for you and your children.  Talk to your family doctor about groups in your area.  Thanks for your letter Melinda.

Dear Barb:

I can’t believe it, I just finished the last of my Halloween candy and the stores are full of Christmas decorations.  Why is everyone in such a rush to get on to the next thing? The day after Christmas people are taking their trees down and the stores can’t wait to put away the decorations.  What is wrong with this world, we need to take the time to enjoy the present.  Sorry just venting I guess, thanks, Stacey.

Hi Stacey:

I’m with you! The world is moving too fast, society can’t wait to get to the next day, week, year or event.  Most research studies indicate that the happiest people are those who live in the present although society perpetuates the “hurry up and get it over with” philosophy.  The only thing you personally can do is choose to live your life in the present, and do your best to ignore the rush of things around you, and maybe your family and friends will follow your lead.  Thanks for venting Stacey.

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