Dear Barb—Adopt a Valentine

Dear Barb:

My boyfriend never gets me anything for Valentine’s Day, not even a card.  I don’t get him anything because he doesn’t get me anything.  My friends all get flowers and chocolates and dinner out.  I always feel bad when they tell me what they got and I have to say I didn’t get anything.  I have talked to Matt about this and he says, he thinks it’s a stupid day and it doesn’t mean anything to him so why should he celebrate a day he doesn’t believe in.  Don’t you think he should still get me something since I believe in celebrating Valentine’s Day? Thanks, Jenna.

Hi Jenna:

My feeling is if you believe in Valentine’s Day you should celebrate.  Giving your boyfriend an acknowledgement of Valentine’s Day, shouldn’t be contingent on whether he gets you something Valentine’s Day has been celebrated for centuries and some people go all out to celebrate and others, like your boyfriend, don’t pay much mind to it.  It’s a personal preference.  It is not a statement about your relationship or how much your boyfriend loves you.  There is a belief that English poet Geoffrey Chaucer may have invented Valentine’s Day, as no record of the day exists before 1375 when Chaucer wrote “Parliament of Foules” a romantic poem referring to the date of February 14th, when birds and humans actively find a mate.  Chaucer wrote “For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne’s day/When every foul cometh ther to choose his mate.” Happy Valentine’s Day Jenna.

Dear Barb:

My sister and I were both adopted as infants; we are now in our mid twenties.  I have always wanted to find my birth parents, but my sister has no interest.  Every time I begin the search she discourages me, saying I will hurt our parents.  I have discussed this with my parents and they assured me they are fine with whatever I want to do.  When I tell my sister this, she says they are just saying that, but they would really be hurt.  What do you think, should I do what I want to do, or could my sister possibly be right? Thanks, Janine.

Hi Janine:

Thanks for your question.  Being curious about your biological parents is normal for some adoptees and not for others.  You need to do what feels right for you, if you don’t you will always be wondering.  Trust your parents when they say they are ok with you searching out your birth parents.  I’m assuming you have done some research into possible scenarios you may be faced with when and you find your birth parents.  Sometimes it works out and you end up having a mutually satisfying relationship with your biological parents, or you may have to face the fact that they may not even want to meet with you, thus triggering feelings of abandonment.  It’s important to have a strong support system around you.  Good luck!

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