Dear Barb—A Missing Piece

Dear Barb:

I hate to be focusing on this with what’s happening in the world, but, well, life goes on.  I was adopted at 6 months old by a fantastic family.  I have always been well cared for and loved, but I felt like there was a void in my life.  I never looked like anyone in the family, as I am fair and everyone else is dark.  My adoptive parents had been married for many years and were unable to have children when they adopted me.  They eventually had three children.  They told me stories of how they had chosen me and that I was special to them, but I always felt if they would have waited longer they would have had their own children and wouldn’t have wanted to adopt me.  In my teens I began to think about finding my biological parents or siblings.  By the time I was in my twenties I decided I would seriously pursue it.  I told my adoptive parents and they were completely supportive and provided me with as much information as they could.  That was two years ago, and I have recently found my birth parents, who are now married with two other children.  We have spoke on the phone about arranging a meeting.  They seem excited and anxious to meet me; however I’m a little apprehensive.  After all they got married and had a family and never pursued finding me, that makes me wonder how receptive they really are.  Do you think I should meet them? And do you have any suggestions on the best way to handle the initial meeting? I am so filled with anxiety!! Thanks, Wendy.

Hi Wendy:

Thanks for your letter and you are right; despite this horrible situation, life does go on and people still have issues to deal with.  You are at an important crossroads in your life.  As you say, despite how your adoptive parents loved you and chose you, you still felt a void in your life and for that reason I would say that you need to meet your biological parents.  Some people never feel that void and are perfectly content without ever meeting their biological parents, but I think it’s important for you to resolve this.  You do need to prepare yourself for the meeting, as these meetings do not always go as we envision in our mind.  You already appear to have some resentment because your biological parents never looked for you, and you will need to address that.  Perhaps some counseling with someone who is educated in these type meetings would be a helpful place to begin.  Speak with your family doctor about where these services are available.  Also Origins Canada offers some insight into what you can expect from a reunion with your biological family.  Good luck Wendy, and keep an open mind.

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