Dear Barb—Connecting Through Quarantine

Dear Barb:

As a result of being in isolation for so long I believe we are probably all learning something about ourselves and our relationships.  The people I thought I would hear from I don’t, yet other people who rarely contacted me before the virus are checking in and making sure I am okay and if I need anything. 

Two months before self isolation I began seeing a great guy.  It was a relationship that I thought had a future, but now I’m starting to wonder.  He contacts me daily through video and text messaging but I’m finding that I am not looking forward to hearing from him.  I am thinking of ending the relationship. But, on the other hand, maybe it is just the situation.  We don’t have a lot to talk about because we didn’t know each other that well.  Would that be really cruel to end the relationship now in the middle of this pandemic, I know it is not cool to end a relationship through a text message, but this is different, isn’t it?

Looking for a second opinion. 

Thanks, Adrianna. 

Hey Adrianna:

Great question.  These are unchartered territories, so I can only offer a guess at what would be ethical.  Since you just met him, I think you should give it some more time.  Of course, you don’t have much to talk about because you are not doing anything; day in and day out is pretty well the same.  You could take this time to learn about each other’s growing up years and families.  Following is a great site to help get to know someone.  Included are 21 questions to ask a guy.

These are questions that would help you get to know each other and will undoubtedly lead to deeper conversations.  I’m sure he is having similar concerns about what to talk to you about.  Also, you don’t need to talk all the time, as I’m sure you know there are games you can play with each other and friends, either online or by setting up a good web camera (like charades).

You will have to find a new way to relate.  We don’t know how long this isolation will last, but, as we’ve all been told it is necessary in order to stop this virus.  My advice would be to try some of the above suggestions and see if you still feel the same.  I would not suggest ending the relationship right now if you feel there may be a future.  Take this time to relax and get to know each other, then see what the future brings after this virus over.

Thanks, Adrianna, for taking the time to write.

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