Dear Barb—The Next Step

Dear Barb:

Hi, I am in my early twenties and have been dating the same guy for three years.  I am still living at home since my parents are fairly lenient and don’t mind if my boyfriend stays over.  I am attending university and working part time, so I have been able to save a ton of money which is really nice.  I pay for my own tuition and bought myself a car, plus I pay for all my clothes and personal items.  I have enjoyed having a big bank account and being able to buy what I want or need. 

My boyfriend is living at home and finished school last year and is working full time now.  Recently he has begun talking about moving out on his own and he wants me to join him.  He says he will pay the biggest part of the bills, since he makes more money than I do.  I love him and hope to have a life with him, but I am not sure I want to spend the money to pay rent and living expenses.  I always find it difficult to spend money and I feel better when I have a lot of money in the bank.  People keep telling me to spend it and buy the things I want, but I can’t seem to do that.  I don’t know whether I am just cheap or what.  I need some advice, should I take the plunge or not?  Thanks, Sabrina.

Hi Sabrina:

Interesting scenario! Have you asked yourself if you are ready for more of a commitment? Moving in together requires a lot more that a financial commitment, you have to be emotionally ready and willing to compromise with another person.  Here are some points I found on the site Mental Floss

Some of the signs you’re ready to live together include that you’re practically living together already, have gone on a vacation together, had a fight and made up from it–because it’s bound to happen sooner or later, you’ve discussed your expectations of each other, you’ve already spoken about money, you both seem to want the same things out of life, and, of course, do you both want to live together?

In addition, you have to consider what your gut is telling you, does it feel right? You gut will never lead you astray.  Friends and family will all have an opinion on whether this is the right thing for you to do, but you are the only one that knows for sure.  Consider other’s opinions, only if it is coming from a person you respect and that has had success in relationships.  Best of luck Sabrina.

Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.
%d bloggers like this: