Dear Barb—Stepping Out

Dear Barb:

My husband and I have been married seven years and are the parents of two young girls.  Our marriage has been good, for the most part.  We have had the usual problems with a hectic lifestyle and two young children and now with the virus things are more stressful.  I always thought we would make it, until recently, now I’m having my doubts.  I discovered some pretty good evidence to indicate that my husband has cheated on me.  I don’t know 100%, but every indication says something is going on with a co worker.  I am devastated, but I don’t want my marriage to end.  I want my girls to have their parents in their lives and to have a stable life.  On the other hand I cannot tolerate my husband messing around.  I am not sure if I should confront him, or keep this to myself and hope it is a one time thing and that it will be over soon.  I have not told anybody about my suspicions because I don’t want people to think poorly of husband.  Desperately in need of advice.  Thanks, Katie

Hey Katie:

Thank you for sharing your very personal situation.  Learning your spouse is cheating is one of the most difficult challenges a marriage can experience.  Obviously, you seem to know what direction you want to take, but you don’t know how to achieve it.  The first thing you have to do is confront your husband; you need to know if this was a fling, or is he involved in a relationship with this other person.  You both have to be on the same page for your marriage to be successful.  It is extremely important that your husband is remorseful and understands the pain and hurt he has caused to you and your marriage and if he is not, there is slim to no chance that your marriage will survive this infidelity.  You have to be able to believe that this is not going to happen again, and, if he does not feel remorse, you’ll always doubt.

Most importantly, will you eventually be able to forgive and trust your husband, or will this always be in your mind.  These are all things that you will be able to decide once you both discuss what happened and why.  If you are not able to resolve the underlying reasons for this, even if you do stay together, your children will sense something is not right with mom and dad.  Staying together for the children is not always the right thing to do.  Whatever you both decide, marriage counselling is vital to the survival of your marriage.  I hope this helps.  Good Luck in the future Katie.

Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.