Dear Barb—Daddy Issues

Dear Barb:

Hi, I am in a terrible situation and I’m not sure what to do.  My husband and I have been married for five years and we recently decided to try to have a baby.  We had wanted to wait until we finished school and were established in our careers, which is where we are now.  The good news is I am pregnant, the bad news?  I’m not sure my husband is the father.  Recently a co-worker and myself were on a four day business trip when we landed a fantastic deal and decided to go out and celebrate.  We both drank too much and got carried away.  I know I shouldn’t have been drinking since I was trying to get pregnant, but I just wasn’t thinking.  I know I made a big mistake.  When I got home, I bought a pregnancy test and discovered I’m pregnant, but now I don’t know who the father is! I am devastated that I did something so stupid.  I have never cheated on my husband before and now I’m in this mess.  I really need some direction.  Should I tell my husband, or should I just not say anything and hope it is his baby.  The man I cheated with also has a wife and a two-year-old daughter.  If I disclose this situation a lot of people will be hurt, so I have no idea what the right thing to do is.  Help, Tiffany. 

Hi Tiffany:

Yep, you have got yourself into a bad situation.  I really don’t see an easy answer.  You have a few options.  Since I always believe telling the truth is the best option, I would suggest you tell your husband what happened and it’s probably a good idea to tell your co-worker that you are planning to tell your husband.  He may not even know that there was a possibility of pregnancy.  Also he may choose to admit his infidelity to his wife before she finds out from someone else.

Another option would be to wait until the child is born and do DNA testing and if the child is your husband’s it would not be necessary to tell your co-worker that there was even a possibility of him being the father.  Although I still feel you should come clean with your husband, as these things have a way of coming out, and not always at the most opportune times.  On the other hand, when your co-worker learns you are pregnant he may wonder if he could possibly be the father, so you will have to decide how much you want to disclose to him.

For some people abortion would be an option, but that is a personal choice.  Whatever you choose to do, you ultimately have to take responsibility for your indiscretion and accept the consequences.  Sorry I couldn’t be more help.  Best of luck Tiffany.

Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.
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