My husband and I have been married 10 years. We are mostly happy, but when we disagree it’s colossal! I feel my husband is very stubborn or resistant to most things I suggest. Even if I point out something that is totally logical and well thought out, he still disagrees. For example, last year our 10-year-old car died and we began looking for another one. We found a new car that was reasonably priced and traded our car in on the new one. I was happy with the purchase, and I thought he was, but within a month he started complaining that he didn’t like the car and I forced him to buy a car he didn’t want. So that issue comes up quite often. Now we are in the market for a boat. We have both been looking online but were only able to physically see three units because of COVID. We cannot agree on what size boat we want and this is becoming a big issue. I don’t want him to agree to buy the one that I want and then I have to hear about it for years, as he’s been harping about the car for over a year. We are at loggerheads about this. He is a very resistant person and I need to find a way to deal with him, as this behaviour is eroding our relationship. Thanks for your help, Lydia.
Hi Lydia:
Great topic! Stubborn people can be exhausting and hard to deal with, but it can be done, and, when you learn how, you will benefit by becoming a calmer, less augmentative person. For example, when issues come up and you begin to feel the resistance starting, take a step back. Take the time to consider the other person’s point of view; don’t just get your back up, because at that point you are being just as stubborn as them. If you have to take a break from the conversation, go for a walk, go into another room, and take a few minutes to breath and let the anger go. When you return, try a different approach, don’t begin where you left off, as the same words will trigger the same reaction. Find the right time; you may have to wait for a few days before bringing the subject up again. Take it slow, so there is time to digest, as some people take longer to process things; respect the other person’s time frame. In many areas of life, for example in business, stubbornness, much like perseverance, is a trait necessary for success. Therefore look for the many ways that you can benefit from having a stubborn person in your life. Thank you, Lydia for writing.