My husband and I have been married 10 years. We are mostly happy, but when we disagree it’s colossal! I feel my husband is very stubborn or resistant to most things I suggest. Even if I point out something that is totally logical and well thought out, he still disagrees. For example, last year our 10-year-old car died and we began looking for another one. We found a new car that was reasonably priced and traded our car in on the new one. I was happy with the purchase, and I thought he was, but within a month he started complaining that he didn’t like the car and I forced him to buy a car he didn’t want. So that issue comes up quite often. Now we are in the market for a boat. We have both been looking online but were only able to physically see three units because of COVID. We cannot agree on what size boat we want and this is becoming a big issue. I don’t want him to agree to buy the one that I want and then I have to hear about it for years, as he’s been harping about the car for over a year. We are at loggerheads about this. He is a very resistant person and I need to find a way to deal with him, as this behaviour is eroding our relationship. Thanks for your help, Lydia.
Great topic! Stubborn people can be exhausting and hard to deal with, but it can be done, and, when you learn how, you will benefit by becoming a calmer, less augmentative person. For example, when issues come up and you begin to feel the resistance starting, take a step back. Take the time to consider the other person’s point of view; don’t just get your back up, because at that point you are being just as stubborn as them. If you have to take a break from the conversation, go for a walk, go into another room, and take a few minutes to breath and let the anger go. When you return, try a different approach, don’t begin where you left off, as the same words will trigger the same reaction. Find the right time; you may have to wait for a few days before bringing the subject up again. Take it slow, so there is time to digest, as some people take longer to process things; respect the other person’s time frame. In many areas of life, for example in business, stubbornness, much like perseverance, is a trait necessary for success. Therefore look for the many ways that you can benefit from having a stubborn person in your life. Thank you, Lydia for writing.