Dear Barb—Kissing Cousin’s Spouses

Dear Barb:

I am from a large family; I have lots of cousins that I rarely see.  Just before the pandemic started last year we had a huge family gathering. At the gathering last year I met my cousin’s husband.  They had just gotten married.  I don’t really know this cousin very well; I have probably seen her maybe five or six times in my whole life.  The moment I was introduced to her husband, Jared, I felt an immediate connection and I believe he did too.  I spent the entire day hanging out mainly with my cousin and her husband.  At one point my cousin and I were alone together, and she mentioned how happy she was that her husband and I seem to get along well.  The issue is that for me it was love at first sight. 

Jared and I have been texting back and forth for the last year.  I occasionally text my cousin so it doesn’t look suspicious.  We haven’t talked about feelings; we just basically got to know each other and I love everything about him.  I haven’t told anyone how I feel.  I believe we were meant to be together.  I don’t want to hurt my cousin, but what if Jared is my only true love!  I don’t want to miss an opportunity for true love. 

Because of the pandemic and how he lives in the States and I live in Canada, we have not been able to see each other.  Once the borders are open things will change, however, I am not sure what to do next.  Should I talk to him about my feelings now, or wait until we meet?

Desperately in need of advice!

Thanks, Maria. 

Hello Maria:

Thanks for writing.  Do you think maybe you are overreacting? There are a lot of things going on here, for example, I am sure you have not had much of an opportunity to meet other people because of the pandemic and lockdowns.  You seem to be focused on your cousin’s husband.  The key word here is “husband.” He is someone else’s husband, so you need to take a step back and stop focusing on him.  When we are young we often believe in the concept of love at first site, but, for the most part, this is just infatuation, and eventually wears off.  Clinging to this belief will only cause problems between you and your family members.  Once you get back to a normal life and you are able to go out and date I think your cousin’s husband may become simply a memory in the back of your mind.  In the meantime, find other interests and limit your contact with him.  This is probably not what you wanted to hear, but it’s the best advice I could give you.

Best of luck Maria.

Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.
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