Dear Barb—Mother of a Problem

Dear Barb:

Hi, I am 18 years old and just graduated from high school.  I live with my mom, who is a single mother.  We do not have a lot of money, so I am planning to work full time while doing my doing me teaching degree online.  My parents separated when I was 15 and divorced a year later.  The divorce was very intense and my dad thought I sided with my mom, so I rarely see him now.  I miss him a lot but I feel caught in the middle.  Mom was devastated when my dad left her for another woman who he was having an affair with.  Mom had a really hard time during the first year, and then started to get herself together. 

The problem is now she is out partying all the time, and bringing home all kinds of guys.  I never know who will be in the house when I get up in the morning, which has created some uncomfortable situations for me.  Maybe this is part of the healing process and she needs to do this, but I really wish she would use some discretion.  Would it be out of place for me to ask my mom not to bring these guys home when I am there? Maybe they could go to a motel or to his place.  I really love my mom, but if she continues to do this I am going to have to move out, which will be very difficult, since I really can’t afford it.  Looking forward to your input. 

Thanks, Rebecca. 

Hi Rebecca:

You sound like a mature young woman who definitely has it together.  I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to your mom about how her actions are making you feel.  It’s possible she does not realize the impact this has on you.  I am sure your mother would want what is best for you and hopefully she will adjust her behaviour without you having to move out, as that would have a negative impact on your plans.  It’s possible your mother is expanding her wings and perhaps going a little overboard.  If your mom is resistant maybe you could both go for a few counseling sessions, to help each see the other’s point of view.

Thanks so much for writing and good luck Rebecca.

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