How Not to Dwell on Others’ Flaws

We are all blessed with flaws. Flaws may be shortcomings, but they provide us with the opportunity to tame or, better yet, overcome our weaknesses. And that overcoming is what makes life a hero’s journey.

But what about other people’s flaws—especially the flaws that harm us? Those people, too, are on a hero’s journey. And here’s how we can best not dwell on their shortcomings:

Look only at our own flaws. I believe we should look exclusively at our own flaws, while overlooking the flaws of others. This approach prevents blame, anger, and vengeful thinking. It encourages accountability. It helps us grow into better versions of ourselves. When we blame no-one, it’s much easier to love everyone.

Dwell on others’ strengths. To avoid dwelling on anyone’s flaws, dwell wholeheartedly on what makes other beings beautiful. In certain ways, everyone is beautiful. This task is as easily said as done.

Love like an angel. I like to think of how each person’s guardian angel loves that person, no matter what wrongs were committed. The love I imagine each angel feels is the love I aspire to project on each living being.

See flaws as part of the hero’s journey. I believe it’s best to perceive others’ flaws as part of their journey. A woman in her 70s may be on a hero’s journey to overcome resentment. She may have been abandoned and shunned by loved ones, hence her lifelong resentment. But instead of us taking her resentment to heart, we could instead grasp that her journey and ours have intersected, on the basis that we are, in some shape or form, part of her life. Our goal may be to lessen her resentment by showing love and support.

Develop a higher consciousness. By not dwelling on others’ flaws, we develop a higher consciousness. We hone many beautiful traits like empathy, patience, compassion, open-mindedness, acceptance, peace, kindness, supportiveness, forgiveness, and love. We become better versions of ourselves.

Reject any feelings of negativity.  We should never feel a moment of negativity about a flaw, even if it impacts us adversely. Instead, we should selflessly give love and support to help others realize their ultimate purpose: flourishing. After all, each one of us is a miracle.

Be a loved mentor. With that said, some people are naturally gifted with the ability to help others overcome their flaws. These gifted people may be loved leaders and cherished mentors. They use their gifts to help alleviate others’ sufferings—helping their mentees make change. Even then, these leaders don’t judge their mentees for their flaws, but instead offer support and guidance.

Learn the greatest lesson of all. Some circles say that, before we come into existence, we make an agreement with God to come to earth to overcome a flaw or learn a lesson. I believe this agreement with God, pre-birth, happens for all of us. But what exactly is that lesson we are here to learn? Mostly, it’s to learn how to love others without conditions, in my view. Overlooking others’ flaws is integral to loving them.

I believe we should see others’ flaws as signs of beauty—indicators of what others are striving, perhaps unknowingly, to overcome.  We are meant to work only on our own flaws, even then in a noncritical way.

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