Dear Barb—The Green Eyed Friend

Dear Barb:

A couple of years ago I met a friend at work, and we immediately became BFFs.  We had a lot in common and both loved hiking, biking, and most outdoor activities, however in the last few months things have changed.  She has been making a lot of negative comments towards me.  I have had a few good things happen and it almost seems like she’s jealous of me.  For example, I met a really great guy who I am spending a lot of time with.  I also won some money on a scratch ticket.  We had both been buying tickets and talking about what we would do if we won.  I didn’t win enough to change my life, but I was able to pay off my car and some other debts and put some money in the bank.  I even gave my friend a few thousand dollars.  In addition I got a promotion at work and now I am in a supervisory position.  Lisa is almost making me feel guilty for these good things that are happening in my life.  I really like her and don’t want to lose her friendship.  Is there anything I can do to make her feel better about the positives in my life without causing her to feel that I am putting her down? Looking for some advice, Ella. 

Hi Ella:

Congratulations on your good fortune.  I can understand your friend being jealous or envious of your good fortune.  It’s important that you address these issues with your friend and find a way to move past the jealousy and insecurities as soon as possible, before they become unmanageable.  Ask yourself if there is anything you have done to cause your friend to feel this way.  Perhaps boasting too much?  That might cause your friend to resent your good fortune.  Also, maybe she was hoping to move into a supervisory position as well.  While she may be happy for you, she also feels envious; these are hard emotions to process.  Assure your friend that your relationship will not change and that you will always be a supportive friend.  Hopefully, when the time is right, your friend will open up to you about how she feels.  Listen to her and validate her feelings.  Be supportive and encouraging while assuring her that she will eventually meet someone, or get the next promotion.  Perhaps you have been struggling to achieve this supervisory position, if so share your difficulties.  Try not to appear as if your achievements have been without great effort.  Maybe you had a few bad relationships before meeting your present partner; share that information with your friend.  She will see that everything hasn’t been handed to you on a silver platter; you have also had your challenges, as most people have.  On the other hand if you and your friend are not able to come to some level of understanding, it may be time to end the relationship and move on, otherwise it will bring you down and not be beneficial to either of you.  Hopefully this information has been helpful.

Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.
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