Dear Barb—Dating on the Line

Dear Barb:

I was in a long-term relationship and, unfortunately, it ended last year.  Since then I have been trying to meet people online and it doesn’t seem to be working for me.  I have been on a lot of dating sites and been chatting with a few guys.  The messaging seems good for a while, and then we both seem to lose interest in getting together.  This has happened many times and I don’t know if it’s me or them, but we just don’t seem to click.  The times I have gone to the next step and actually met someone for coffee, the meeting seems to fall flat of my expectations.  Usually, they don’t look much like their picture, which was obviously photoshopped.  Also, they seem to be much better at texting that having an actual conversation.  I am rarely interested in having a second meeting.  I feel I am ready to enter into another long-term relationship and possibly get married and have a family, but I just can’t seem to connect with anyone.  Do you have any tips for me?  Maybe online dating is not for me.  Looking forward to your advice.  – Carla.

Hi Carla:

There are many benefits to online dating.  For example, you may meet someone that you would have never had the opportunity to meet any other way.  As well you will meet people outside of your social circle, perhaps from another city or even country.  However, online dating requires a different mindset than traditional dating.  It’s important to take the time to get to know someone before you eliminate them from your pool of prospective partners.  If you get beyond the messaging phase and actually meet up, don’t give up after one meeting.  Just because there weren’t sparks on the first meeting doesn’t mean the relationship doesn’t have potential.  Take the time to go on a few dates before you cross them off for good.  Often people are shy or uncomfortable at first, and it will take a few dates before they are able to allow others to see their true personality.

One of the reasons a meeting may fall short of your expectations, could be because the person felt more comfortable letting their guard down through messaging, whereas in person they aren’t quite ready to do that, especially during the first meeting.  Contrary to popular belief, connections generally are not instantaneous.  They take time to develop and nurture before a persons’ true character will be revealed.  Don’t give up after one awkward date; give it at least two or three dates before you decide this is not the relationship for you.  Best of luck Carla   and remember the old saying “on every pot fits a lid.”

Email your questions to voice@voicemagazine.org. Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.
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