Dear Barb—The Relationship Impulse

Dear Barb:

Hi, I am in my early thirties and have been divorced twice.  I have recently met a new guy who could be my forever guy, but I am scared I might be moving too fast.  My previous marriages didn’t last long, and they were like whirlwind relationships too, and I don’t want to do that again.  I am trying to take my time, but I get so caught up in the moment.  I am kind of like that with everything.  I make quick decisions without a lot of thought.  I sometimes wonder if I ended my previous marriages too quickly.  I just don’t want to make a mistake again.  I want to make sure this is love and not infatuation.  Are there signs I can look for that would indicate my guy is really in love with me? Looking for some serious advice before I make another mistake.  Thanks, Janine.

Hi Janine:

You seem to be questioning your decision before jumping into it, which is a good indication that you have learned from your previous relationships.  There are signs you can look for that will indicate that your guy truly loves you, although remember there are exceptions to every rule.

Here are some signs that I have found in my research that are certain signs that will give you a pretty good indication that your guy is genuinely in love with you.  He shows you respect – when you truly love someone you automatically respect them.  Another indication is that he speaks about a future with you.  It is no longer just what he wants for his life, his life now includes what his life looks like together with you.  Another thing that may seem strange is that he possibly will pull away from you initially.  The reasoning behind this is that he is not sure what is going on with his feelings.  True love is scary at first.  As well, he will put your needs above his.  When a guy is truly in love, he wants his partner to know she is his priority, and he will do whatever is necessary to make sure that you know how he feels.  In addition, he will be anxious to introduce you to all the significant people in his life.  He will ask your opinion about the important events in his life, as he values your opinion.  He will always remember the little things, like when you met, and he will make you feel special on your important days.  An indisputable sign that your guy loves you is that he wants to protect you.  Guys want to be the hero; it is ingrained in their DNA.

When a guy is in love, he wants to make you happy.  He compliments you and makes special plans for the two of you.  Your guy doesn’t have to do all of these things, but if he puts you first and wants you to be happy, cared for and protected, it’s a pretty good bet he is genuinely in love with you.  Take your time and make sure it’s the right guy this time.  Best of luck Janine.

Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.
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