I saw an ad today that asked, “What are the five traits women find sexy in a man?” The woman announcer, who wore a low-cut blouse, then said, “The first trait is confidence.” She flipped her hair and requested I click on the button, which I did.

But I know confidence isn’t a universally desired trait.  Sometimes confidence can be a chip-on-the-shoulder or egotistical mentality.  I believe there are traits in a man—or in a partner in general—women love more universally than confidence.

It may be true that women love warriors, whether they are sculpted with muscle or round and chubby.  But what do women love more than warriors?

That’s the Valentine Day surprise.  Women tend to love men with particular traits.  Appearance doesn’t even make the list of top traits, in my mind.  But love does.  Whether the man is tall, skinny, short, plump, he can be someone’s beloved Valentine that lasts forever.

Here are five traits I believe women universally love, or at the very least appreciate, in her Valentine’s man:

Trait one: a man who never directs his anger at her.

Trait two: a man who never criticizes her.

Trait three: a man who keeps his problems to himself, or at least refrains from complaining.

Trait four: a man who listens carefully to her so he can discover how to bring her the greatest of joy.

Trait five: a man who chooses to love her more profoundly every passing day.

If you’re a woman and your man—or partner—doesn’t possess any of these traits, then focus exclusively on those traits you’ve ever loved in him.  And don’t consider for a second the flaws or shortcomings he might possess.  It’s everyone’s goal in life, I believe, to love another being unconditionally, come rain or shine.

If you’re a man and don’t possess any of these traits, start by refusing to show anger, in any form, to your woman.  And then build on the rest.

But don’t be disheartened, not for a moment, if you don’t possess the above traits.  Every woman has a unique cluster of standards she most desires in a partner.  Some women love bookworms; others love sports enthusiasts.  Some women will accept a controlling partner, but not a disloyal one.  Others will love a poverty-stricken partner, but not a controlling one.

And what you look like is much less important than what’s in your heart.

I heard a quote recently that said, “Somewhere someone is looking for a partner with exactly your traits.” Claim the five traits above to build on those traits of yours many women only dream of finding in a perfect Valentine.