Lessons I Learned About Love

True love is not what you see on TV.  It’s not critical.  It’s not unkind.  It doesn’t have expectations.  It’s never jealous.  Real love is purely selfless and unconditional.  I’ve experienced what the Western perspective of self-oriented love creates in a relationship.  And I’ve experienced, on the other hand, what selfless, unconditional love produces.  I seek to offer that perfect, selfless, unconditional love.  Nothing compares.

And as it was just recently Valentine’s Day, here are my thoughts on true—agape—love: the love you read about in the Bible.  It’s the only love I wish to create.

It ensures the significant other has free will—100% freedom of choice.  I believe we are all entitled to our freedom of choice.  That means we must allow our significant other to take on activities we may disagree with.  After all, as one Voice writer expressed (and I view her as lovely), “We don’t own” the person with whom we are in a relationship.  I believe this implies that we don’t put limitations or boundaries on their choices.  Putting restrictions is setting “conditions.” The love I hope to give is purely “unconditional.” To truly love “unconditionally,” without conditions, we must ensure we enable the unbounded free will of our significant other.  That’s by definition of “unconditional.”

It ensures we stay positive with our significant other all the time.  Unconditional love is always kind.  It never angers, criticizes, or hates.  It only loves.  I aim to love unconditionally, so to do so all the time, I must seek to enter a state of constant happiness.  This sounds ideal, perhaps even impossible, but a goal in life is to strive for those perfect states.  And what is more excellent than a state of either happiness or love?

It creates an environment where we will sacrifice everything for the happiness of our significant other.  The person we choose as our life’s partner is the one to whom we ideally give “unconditional love.” Selflessness is essential, which is crucial to loving “unconditionally.” And a central part of selflessness is a willingness to sacrifice anything and everything for our loved one’s happiness.  Most mothers know this sacrificial mentality.  I believe that the same selfless, sacrificial love a mother gives her child must be given to our significant other.  Ideal “unconditional” love is without demands or expectations.  It’s purely selfless—and, therefore, by definition, sacrificial–in its ideal form.

It keeps us in a higher state of unconditional love.  Suppose we are determined to love our significant other unconditionally at all times.  In that case, we are more frequently in that higher state of love.  What better place to rest our souls throughout the day than in the bliss of unconditional love, regardless of outer circumstances?

And I hope to extend this sentiment to every living soul.  In that case, I’ll truly feel like I’ve reached that higher place of enlightenment—that coming “home.” After all, as my childhood friend says of our walk in this world to the afterlife, “We are all walking each other home.”