I have a confession to make. Chronologically I am 27 but emotionally I act like I am, at most, 12. It is not because of developmental differences. Or, my favourite rationalization for the past year and a half, the effect of invisibility syndrome.
I have to take responsibility here. I am 28 years old in a little less than two months and I need to start acting like it. Particularly, in the area of life choices and personal decisions about my belief system. To be clear, my family, friends and this magazine has been very supportive in this regard. My problem again, is thanks to a couple of traumatic experiences with close friends, I roll around as though this support will get revoked, even from Jesus himself, because I am traditional in many ways.
Let me explain. I believe that every faith or belief system that comes from love is legitimate. If someone came to and said I’m just starting on the spiritual journey, I would invite them to my church and then recommend “whatever works for them.” But that is not meant to be sarcastic!
You see what I mean? I’m driving scared here and I hate it. Absolutely hate it. I’m 27 years old; it’s OK that I believe the gospels are divinely inspired.
I need to stop denying myself freedom of religion.
I could explain every situation that causes this fear but it’s simpler to just summarize this way.
The last time I was this content with my perspective and life in general I was crucified. I wrote an article a while ago about my experiences at camp. That’s what I’m talking about. I was psychologically killed because of being too optimistic. Because I saw a future for people with disabilities that wasn’t “cheese and crackers”. What’s more, my parents have always been my protection, as well as my sibling, so the argument is to go against them in perspective means jeopardizing safety.
But if I don’t move forward, I jeopardize my relationships with them because of the resentment that is bound to and has come up when I don’t take on these growing pains and grow up. It would be an insult to them because they always want me to be my own person.
So even though people might not get it when it comes to surrendering, have trouble with the crucifixion historically or prefer more than one map to get to heaven. I have to use the map that works for me and I hope I can become a guide on this path. It’s a tough hike for sure. It changes you and takes a lifetime. But the view? Out of this world.
It’s time for me to share that joy, maybe by truly living it.