Dear Barb—Mom, Me and the New Guy

Dear Barb:

I am in my early twenties, and I live with my single mother.  We have always gotten along great.  Since my parents divorced my mom has dated a few guys, but none seriously until recently.  She has met a guy who is ten years younger than her, but that’s not the issue. 

Mom has been dating Gary for 6 months and they are talking about moving in together.  I am not comfortable with Gary moving in with us, for the simple reason that he makes me feel uncomfortable.  At times he looks at me in an inappropriate way and often brushes against my breasts.  These are not things I can prove, or even say for certain that he is making a pass at me, but my gut is telling me he’s not a good guy.  The problem is I don’t know how to bring this up to my mom.  She has waited so long for the right guy to come along, but I feel if she lets him move in it will not turn out well.  Also, if he moves in, I am considering moving out.  I don’t believe Mom has any idea how I feel or that Gary has been acting inappropriately toward me.  Do you think I should mention my feelings to my mom, or should I just move out? Thanks, Cassie. 

Hi Cassie:

Thank you for your email.  You are in an awkward situation, but I don’t believe you can just move out without mentioning this to your mom.  Women often ignore signs of trouble until it’s too late.  If you are having these feelings about your mom’s boyfriend, you need to trust your gut and tell your mom.  If you don’t mention it to her, she may end up very hurt by this fellow.  Plus, he may try something similar with other members of your family, perhaps younger girls who would not know how to handle a situation like this.

You obviously want your mom to be happy and it sounds like this guy may just bring her heartache.  Have a heart-to-heart talk with your mom.  It may turn out that she was already aware of what he is doing but didn’t want to acknowledge it.  By you bringing it up it will cause her thoughts to become a reality.  If she becomes angry and says you are overreacting, then you need to make a decision.  I hope you will decide to move out and inform other females in your family of what you have experienced.  That is all you can do.  You will have provided your mom with the information; the rest is up to her.  I am happy you chose to write to The Voice Magazine with this information.

Best of luck.

Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.